Three months ago my world was turned upside down. I received the last text from my best friend before his suicide. Writing this is terribly hard for me. I keep looking at the picture I have of him hanging in my room and wondering what I would say to him if he were still here. I think about this everyday.
“What could I have said to assure him that he is loved?”
“What are the right words to say?”
“How would I ever express how much he means to me?”
I talk to him in Heaven.
All the stories I tell him, all the questions I ask but never get answered.
I always wish he would say something back to me, but I know he is replying in an even more beautiful way. The way the sky turns colors, the rain falls, the sun bursts through the clouds… that’s all Josh. He was never the selfish type. Now that he’s in heaven, the view is too beautiful to keep to himself and he’s sharing it with us.
Words really cannot describe the pain that I have had since he has gone away. He was my best friend, my partner in crime. We had a way of communicating that only we understood. Our sense of humor was so rare. I will never find someone like Josh. He changed my life without even trying, and I cannot imagine what my life would be like if he had never been in it.
Joshua Russell Byers
October 8, 1998 – May 19, 2016
You’re my angel now, Josh. You watch over me and protect me, just as if you were still here. In some sense, you really are still here. I will never forget the moment your heart stopped beating and mine didn’t. From that moment on, my heart was beating for you. I love you a whole bunch, Watermelon. Someday we’ll be together again and the missing piece of me will be restored.