To Him.

Before I start, I want to apologize for being so absent. I haven’t been able to bring myself to write. I found so much motivation to write from the love that I found myself in. However, as you’ve been briefly informed, that love has changed- or died.

Everyone knows who you are, but for the sake of preventing drama I won’t say your name. You’re welcome.

You tell me that you love me, but I know the love is different. It kills me that I fell for you. The love I have for you will never go away, but your love for me faded. It’s not fair that this love has to be one sided. Especially because you promised me it never would be. It makes me wonder how many times you said that and second guessed yourself in your head.

You held my hand through everything. I never had to deal with things on my own because I had you by my side. I never asked you to be there, but you were. Unfortunately, I took advantage of that and became codependent. Every little minor inconvenience led to me crying to you. And now that I’ve lost you, I’m unsure of who to go to now. It’s so hard talking to you about how you’ve hurt me and how bad I miss you. It seems like whenever I do talk to you about it, you don’t give a shit. Sometimes I think you like to hear me suffering.

You made so many promises that you managed to break in that one text that you sent me calling things off. I never knew it could be that easy for anyone to do. Waking up to that text was like waking up to the world ending. In a sense, it was. The world that I spent almost 8 wonderful months living in was crashing down on top of me.

img_4676.jpg

This is a picture of me from today. I went to a wedding. Remember when we said that we would get married? I believed that so deeply. I thought you’d never give up on us. Well anyway, I felt beautiful for the first time since you broke up with me. I felt comfortable with who I was. I didn’t stare at the ground when I walked. I had my chin up, and I even cracked a smile towards people walking the opposite way. I was happy.

When the ceremony began and I saw the groom walk out with his groomsmen, I saw the smile on his face and the eagerness pulsating through his body. He was so ready to see his “forever” walk down the aisle. When she finally made her entrance, he smiled so big and even started to tear up. It was beautiful. I felt the love between the two as they stood next to each other. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous.

I couldn’t help but think during the ceremony that it should’ve been us. Sure, not now, but down the line. It should’ve been us reciting vows and sharing our first kiss as Mr. and Mrs. The love that I felt between them was the same love that I felt between us. The only difference is that they never gave up.

Their love lasted.

 

 

One thought on “To Him.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s