We’re Engaged!

Ahh! I’m so excited to finally be telling everyone the big news! I’m going to be Mrs. Megann Shaeffer! Can you believe it?

It sure didn’t take long for him to put a ring on it but when you know, you know! We’re both so excited to start this new chapter of our lives together and I can’t wait for all that comes with planning a wedding and living life as a family (including all of the fun content)!

We’re both so thankful for our friends and family who have been nothing short of supportive and excited along with us.

Expect a lot more relationship content since I’m on a high right now! Also send me all your best advice! I’d love to hear it!

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Meet My Boyfriend

As I mentioned when I first came back, a lot has happened over my spicy COVID summer. One of those things being meeting my boyfriend and my better half, Colt. And ever since we met, we’ve been inseparable. It’s pretty cool.

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I was hesitant on writing about our relationship just yet because of what usually happens whenever I share too much of my personal life too soon (hint: it goes to shit), but I think that now more than ever, we have to be over the moon about every victory. And Colt is definitely one of my biggest victories.

Colt is the sweetest man I have ever met, let alone dated. He cares so much for other people and is always willing to go out of his way to make sure others have what they need. I was immediately shocked (and impressed) by how selfless this man is. It was one of the first things that got me hooked.

He was the first man to actually take me out on a first date, open every door for me, and treat me with unwavering respect. I’m amazed that someone like him exists. I don’t believe that I deserve him in the slightest, but I won’t complain.

Something extra special about our relationship is that it is my first long distance relationship. I mean, it’s not super long distance, but it’s still a whole new ball game for me. We’re nearly four hours apart, which can be daunting at times, but we’ve learned to make the best of it. Plus that saying, “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” has proven itself to be very, very true.

I know that Colt and I will be going on several adventures together, so you’ll be hearing a lot about him in the future. Be ready!

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Here’s What Will Happen When You Fall in Love with Someone Who Can’t Love You

Short answer? It hurts like hell.

Long answer?

Things won’t feel right for a while. It’ll feel like you’re going through the motions. You’ll be checking your phone to see that they haven’t called or texted you. You’ll feel like you’re missing something in your day.

You’ll catch yourself thinking about them when you shouldn’t be. Any little thing will remind you of them- the shirt you wore that one time when they came over, the spot on the ceiling you looked at while they held you in their arms, the balled-up gum wrapper sitting on your bedside table. Everything becomes a trigger of a memory. You’ll know that you can’t keep thinking about them, but it’s out of your control.

You’ll wish you could talk to them. Maybe you can. Maybe they’ve said you can text them any time, but you know deep down that they said that just to be polite. Communicating is not something they really care about. If they did, they would’ve been honest with you from the start.

You’ll keep the photos for a while. Probably because you don’t want to let go. Or maybe because you’ve started to feel better but seeing their face washes away the flood gates and you feel all the feelings again. Their face will live in your phone until the feelings are such a distant memory that you forget they’re even there.

You’ll catch yourself falling even more. You know it won’t work, but that won’t stop you from thinking about how happy you two would be if. 

You’ll sleep more. Being awake leads to overthinking. Any time you open your eyes, you’ll shut them again and force yourself to go back to sleep. You won’t want to be awake. You may even feel a pain in your stomach when you think about taking on the day.

You’ll look at things differently. That quote from some philosopher whose name you can’t pronounce might start to have a heavier meaning to you. It might get you thinking. The sad parts of cheesy Hallmark movies might hit too close to home.

You’ll decide to make a change. Changes don’t just come out of thin air. You have to work for them. You have to make them what you want them to be. You’ll see that the position you are in is no longer serving you and want to change that.

You’ll eventually feel ok again. All this pain subsides in due time. I can’t tell you that it’ll be quick or easy. I can just tell you it’ll be right. If you hurt for months, that’s what is right for your path. Days? Hours? Same thing. You’ll start to feel normal and maybe even better than before. You’ll go out more, experience more, love more. You’ll be more you. You’ll love yourself how you wished they would have loved you.

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To The Girl Going Through A Break-up

I see you.

I know you’re getting frustrated with yourself for crying at night. You want a peaceful night without the pain. But it’s ok to cry. It’s ok and completely normal to grieve the loss of something that cannot come back. Don’t be ashamed.

I promise that you’re healing.

It doesn’t come overnight. You may feel like you’re in the same rut day in and day out, but you’re making progress. I promise you that it won’t feel like it at first and that’ll suck… but it’s happening.

So cry.

Cry because it’s good for you. Cry and eat all the chocolate you can find. Then go buy more. That’s ok.

But here’s what you can’t do.

You can’t force them to come back. You can’t beg. You can’t forget your worth.

You have to focus on your own healing. Figure out how you will move forward. You don’t need to know right away, either. You can spend some time being lost. You’re allowed to be lost. If you were never lost, how can you be found?

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How Do I Get Through A Painful Break-up?

Asking for a friend… but not really.

As some of you may have seen, I had written a piece about how I was coping with an excrutiating break-up. I didn’t know which way was up anymore. I was clinging onto the idea of something that was so far gone it was laughable. I later read through the post and after speaking to some friends and family (and my ex), I decided that the post, however honest, did more harm than good. So in less than 24 hours, the post was removed. Although I am very puzzled about the behavior of my ex and the recent events that have taken place, I still have the utmost respect for him; especially online.

However, I did say in that post that when I signed up to be a blogger, I pretty much signed up to share some of my personal experiences and emotions with everyone. Everyone who has told me what a beautiful couple we were deserves to know that it’s over. As much as I hate to write a post talking about my break-up and the hell I’ve been going through, I have hope that it will reach someone who is going through the same thing to show that everyone goes through it at some point and it’s ok to grieve in a different way than most do.

I, for one, had no idea where to start. This was my longest relationship (nearing 2 years) so I had never been so attached and comfortable with someone before. To shut off that part of my brain that was so used to talking everyday and cuddling every night was a huge request. I felt myself being backed into a corner where no matter what I did, I was going to lose. So something in me told me to go down fighting. I said things I shouldn’t have, and did things that were out of character for me. Again, let me remind everyone that people go through break-ups in different ways. I happened to live in a state of panic for weeks. Panic about my future, about having to tell other people, about the embarrassment of a failed relationship (yeah I was embarrassed. So stupid, right?!).

There were days where I lashed out at my family, friends, and ex because of my inability to process my emotions. It was like every second there was a new thought in my head that triggered a new feeling. My mind was working against me. I think the best time I’ve been able to describe that feeling was yesterday when I spoke to my dad on the phone. I told him I recognized my emotions were not my own. I felt like someone had taken over and I clocked out. Anything I said, did, or felt was purely out of my control. Maybe nobody will understand that and you’ll think I’m crazy, but it was just like going into autopilot to cope. The only difference is if this was a plane, we would have crashed.

I’m a very emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I love, I love hard. I jump the gun sometimes, but either way, the feelings are there. The worst part of that (and something I hope to change) is that I devote all my time and energy into my relationship. I’m constantly thinking about this person and what I can do to show them I love them. Thinking about them and having them in my life is an addiction. So when I get blindsided, I have to force myself to stop thinking that way. I still haven’t gotten to that point yet if I’m being honest. I still think about “my bub” and how I would kill for some more time with him. He would always tell me about how the bridge of my nose was cold so I still touch my nose and think about how sweet and innocent those moments were. But I’m taking baby steps.

My friend David put it perfectly. He said that he was my drug. Now whenever I think about texting or calling him to beg like a loser, I’m relapsing. So I finally, after weeks of making an utter fool of myself, decided to quit cold turkey. No contact. It’s time to focus on me and all the goals I’ve ever had for myself. It was the kick in the ass that I needed.

To get a little deep here, I’m worried about myself. I’ve spent nearly two years recieving attention, happiness, love, and understanding from someone special and now I have to learn how to give that to myself. I started dating this person when I was 19. I was still new to college life and being an adult, so I was still growing. Now I’m 21. I grew along side him and figured out life with him in it. I guess I just feel like I took two steps back because now I have to figure out all of this stuff about myself again, just without him. Again, maybe what I’m saying won’t make sense to anyone since we handle things differently, but I’m trying to be transparent here.

I know I’ll get through this because I’ve gotten through far worse. I never made it out 100% like I was before, but that’s the point, right? Pain teaches a lesson. I’m ready to see what the world has in store for me. I’m already finding the motivation to do so much for myself that I usually dismissed. This could be my time to shine. I’m just frightened over the time and effort it will take to get to that point.

I absolutely love that man with every inch of my being. My friends and family say I shouldn’t say that anymore. Some say I shouldn’t even love him anymore. But I know that my love for him will never go away. It may change, but it will always- ALWAYS- be there. He was my best friend and partner in crime for so long. He listened to me whenever I was upset, held me when I felt I was falling apart, and put me back on track when I was losing sight of things. He knew about my faults and still chose to love me. If I could say anything to him, it would be thank you. He helped me feel like I was beautiful and special, even if I lost that feeling when he left. In the time that we were together, I gained so much confidence in myself that I could not have found without him and his constant reassurance. It helped me with a lot like my first apartment by myself, my first year away from my family, my first full year of college, etc.

I refuse to bash him. We weren’t perfect for each other and we both made mistakes that hurt the other person, but he was my favorite person for two years. He was my protector, caretaker, lover, best friend, and so much more. Even though I’ve messed up a lot recently with how I’ve gone about things, I don’t think it’s fair anymore to put him down.

It feels good to speak highly of him… to be able to say I was lucky enough to fall in love with someone like him makes me happy. But for the time being, there will be no more posts about my break-up or anything about my ex.

I will most likely be taking a break from writing while I get myself out of a dark place, and I hope everyone understands. I may come back on occasion for updates or if I feel like I’m at a good spot at that time. Otherwise, I will be gone.

If you want to keep tabs on me and make sure I’m not losing my head, follow me on Instagram and Twitter (@_megannlouise_) for the latest updates on my life.

I also have a Facebook page which I will try to use more often now. To like the page, click here.

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Would I Couple-Up With Love Island USA?

Popular UK dating reality show, Love Island, has come to the states! It follows the journey of singles finding love and trying to win over America’s hearts in order to win the grand prize of $100,000.

I wasn’t sure at first if I would be interested in watching Love Island, but I gave it a chance and was immediately hooked. Now I have the app on my phone to vote in real time and I’ve even gotten Zach to watch it with me before. I’ve also got my feelings about each contestant (other than the two new girls that will be introduced properly tonight.

If you haven’t watched the show yet, this next part will make absolutely no sense to you so maybe skip over it.

I’ve got huge heart eyes for Elizabeth and Zac. If they ever split up I will be really sad. They obviously have an undoubtable connection since nobody on the island have yet to split them up. When Elizabeth went on her date with Cormac, she was really honest with him about how she felt about Zac.

I wasn’t a fan of Mike and I’m honestly happy he was the first to be dropped off the island. I got weird vibes from him from the beginning and it kept growing as it went on. Sometimes in his confessionals I felt like he came across as more human, but it still didn’t cut it for me.

Cashel and Kyra seem a little snakey to me. Cashel and Caro had a cute thing going the first night and then Kyra just weaseled her way in between it before it even started. I get that’s how to show works, but the girls seemed to have a friendship thing going on from the start and for Kyra not to talk to Caro first was shady.

I liked Caro at first. She seemed like she genuinely wanted to find love. But now she comes across as a little sneaky. Like she’s just trying to find a guy to win the money or something. Maybe I’m wrong but that’s how I feel so far. She also has this Cardi B persona that feels so exaggerated. If that’s really how she is, then all power to her. But if she’s putting up this sassy Cardi B front to gain interest from the men or even America, she needs to turn it down.

Alana and Yamen… ok. I guess they’re ok together but I really think Alana is taking their coupling much more seriously than Yamen and he’s going to break her heart when he tries exploring his options. I guess we’ll see what happens.

Weston and Mallory aren’t really hitting the spot for me. I thought it was an interesting couple at first and I saw things slowly go down hill. I mean, they’ve literally friendzoned each other already. I think he’ll get a little more interested in the new girls coming tonight… maybe Katrina?

Alexandra and Dylan are growing on me but I don’t feel as good about them as I do Elizabeth and Zac yet. I’m rooting for them though. I think it would be a cute couple if they stick around, you know?

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Personally, I can’t imagine being in that situation. I would hate getting to know someone and knowing that any of your “friends” could just take him away and nothing is wrong about it because it’s the point of the game. I love the idea as a tv show though. I can see why it was so popular in the UK. As much as I like how quickly we get updates and answers by having the show on every weeknight, I feel like after a while it’ll become overkill. I know I’ll spend every night watching the episodes so I’m sure I’ll get exhausted.

If you like the Bachelor/Bachelorette or Big Brother, this is like a hybrid of the two. I’ve really liked it so far and I already know who I want to win the whole thing (*cough cough* Elizabeth and Zac).

If you haven’t already, give this show a watch tonight at 8/7c. If Love Island was a person, I’d be coupled up! Let me know what you think!

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Getting Relationship Advice From My Instagram Followers

I hope everyone is having a relaxing Memorial Day. Before I get into this week’s post, I want to thank those who lost their lives defending our country. Your sacrifice does not go unnoticed.

This morning I honored my community’s fallen soldiers with others who wanted to share their respects. I ask that while you are enjoying your hotdogs, cold beers, and three day weekend, you remember the meaning behind this day.

Let’s admit it, being in a relationship is fun… for the most part. Sometimes things can go a little haywire, but the overall fulfillment of being with the person you love makes up for it all. Unless you think you have it all figured out, I’m sure you’ve asked some people for some advice regarding your love life.

The other day, I took to Instagram to ask my followers for their help.

I asked 4 questions to my followers on my Instagram story, and within minutes I had an immense collection of answers from people. It was refreshing to see how many people wanted to offer up their own advice to strangers who may need to hear it.

First, I asked everybody how old they were. Here are the results:

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Next, I asked what their current relationship status was.

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Following that question, I asked how long their latest relationship lasted.

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Finally, I asked everyone what their advice was for others who are trying to have a happy and healthy relationship.

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I did get a good mix of both male and female participants in this survey, so this advice is coming from both sides. I really am super grateful for everyone who offered up their tips to help others. Whether these were learned from first-hand experience or not, I don’t know, but I appreciate all of the kind words nonetheless.

I don’t know if you guys notice the same pattern I do, but it looks to me as if communication is really important in a relationship.

I had this whole thing written out with my perspective of all the advice, but I didn’t want this to be me giving advice and no matter which way I spun it, it sounded like I was force feeding my advice to you. I wanted these tips to come from other people who don’t necessarily have other ways to share them with you. So instead of writing out a long summarization of all the advice and data collected, I’ll just say thank you to everyone who contributed, and I hope that their advice can help anyone who needed to hear it.

Follow me on Instagram to participate in future surveys. I also like to ask for opinions on things going on in my life and share my current playlist with my followers. Links to my socials are on the right sidebar!

I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day! See you next week!

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One Last Dance

This past weekend, I “went back to high school” and attended one last prom with my boyfriend. It was an amazing night, and definitely one that I’ll remember.

Now, before I hear all the negativity about how “people who graduated high school should stay out of high school”, let me just clarify something- my boyfriend is a senior, and he asked me to go. At first, I almost refused to go because I wanted to stay clear of high school events (other than sporting events because I had to cheer my man on). But after a lot of thinking, I realized that it was his last prom and he asked me to come because I’m his girlfriend and he wanted the night to be special. So, I decided that one more prom wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Something different about this year was that I didn’t mind how I looked. Previous years, I was so stressed about my dress, heels, makeup, and hair that I made prom almost unenjoyable. This year, I didn’t think it mattered. I just put whatever makeup on that I felt the most comfortable in, wore some old heels of my sisters, and was on my way. As long as I was comfortable and able to have fun, I was ready to go.

My boyfriend picked me up and dang was he looking good. Last year we rode together along with another mutual friend, and when we looked back at it this year, it was so crazy thinking about how much things had changed. This year, I was riding shotgun with his hand in mine- a much different experience than last year. Before, I was in the backseat and the only thing in my hand was my phone that was also the designated “aux phone.”

We took some pictures with his classmates, as well as other returning students from my graduating class- my cousin being one of them. Everyone looked amazing! They were also so friendly towards me, which I did not expect. I never had any negative feelings towards returning grads coming to prom while I was in high school, but I didn’t know how others felt about it. Seeing people happy to see me calmed a lot of my pre-prom jitters.

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Once we arrived at the venue, I almost forgot how nervous I was before. I don’t want to say that I felt like I was back in high school because I was self aware and didn’t do anything to jeopardize my comfort and warm welcome. However, I did not feel too out of place, and I wasn’t as self conscious as I had expected myself to be. Honestly, I think that knowing I wouldn’t see a lot of those people again made me feel more comfortable and ultimately gave me the courage to go out and dance with my friends.

The music wasn’t too terrible at points, and the great company on the dance floor helped make the bad songs a little less excruciating. We danced for hours and only took a few short breaks to take a quick sip before heading back out to dance like idiots again. Overall, prom wasn’t so bad.

After the dance was nearly over, Zach and I went with a couple friends from our table to the Wendy’s drive thru. I had been craving it all night and I was fairly vocal about it. We wanted to hang out together, but at 11 at night, not much is open and easily accessible for girls in gowns. So after thinking long and hard about the next move, we decided to part ways and go home to sleep.

Zach and I went back to my house so I could get out of the unbearably itchy dress I had forced myself into earlier. That’s when he gave me a surprise gift that meant the world to me. He handed me a book. On the inside it said “Why I Love You,” and contained pages full of pictures and (you guessed it) reasons he loved me. He had told me before I saw it that it was not perfect, but he was dead wrong. I had never received anything so beautiful before. Just thinking about it makes my heart melt all over again.

We finished the night with a nap and the remainder of the Wendy’s that we had brought home. Zach eventually went back to his house at around 2:30 a.m., and thus concluded our night.

Playing dress up can be fun for sure, but getting to do it along side the man you love makes it even more special. I’m grateful that Zach brought me back for one last dance. He made my last prom even better than the one I originally thought would be my last.

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