It’s no secret that I took a semester off of college this past spring. I’ve written about it briefly but never really addressed it beyond that. A lot went into making that decision, and I still believe it was the right one for me.

In the time I took off, I was able to clear my head. I finally relieved myself from the stress that had been eating me alive since my junior year of high school. It gave me time to relax and not feel like my GPA was awaiting me in the dark abyss. For anyone else who feels this way, I highly recommend taking a gap year or semester to find yourself and figure out what you want to do.

This fall, I’m returning to school. However, instead of going back to community college in a rural area, I will be going to an urban university with roughly 13,000 undergrads. It’s a bit of a step up from what I’m used to but I’m excited for new experiences and resources that I will have come fall.

As the day draw nearer, I become more worried about adjusting back into the school setting after my time off. I haven’t taken any classes for eight months, so it’s going to be challenging for me to get back into the swing of things. But with the right discipline and friends/family who encourage me, I’m sure I’ll get through it with no problem.

Sometimes I wonder if the stress of preparing for college is worse than the stress I’ll endure during the semester. For me, that might just be the case. I have 22 days until my big move up to my apartment and 32 days until school starts. With so little time left, I’ve been busting my butt trying to get everything I need in time for the big days.

Yesterday my little sister and I went out to get some things for my apartment and it started to finally hit me- I’m moving out and finally doing what I’ve dreamt of since I was young. I know all my old high school friends who went through this last year had the same emotions when they left for their freshman year. I’m just a year behind but better late than never I guess.

Although the return from my semester off is causing a bit more stress for me, I’m definitely super happy that I chose that route back in December. Of course it feels weird being a 20 year old freshman, but it was what had to happen for me to be happy and comfortable. I may be nervous to return to a school lifestyle, but I feel a lot more prepared than I was last spring.

For anyone who feels severely overwhelmed by school, a short break isn’t the end of the world. It’s just a pit stop on the way to where you’re going.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on Instagram where a voice says “A is for…” and then a celebrity says a word or phrase that starts with that letter. I guess it’s supposed to be funny or something. I have no idea. But I thought it would be a great way to get share a little about myself. So here are my ABC’s. Try not to have flashbacks to preschool.

A is for August.

My birth month.

B is for blogging.

I do that.

C is for candy bars.

My favorite things on this earth.

D is for dollar store.

A place I frequent.

E is for elephants.

One of my favorite animals.

F is for forever.

Something I can’t even fathom.

G is for girl.

Yeah. Shocker.

H is for hypothyroidism.

I got that.

I is for Instagram.

My second favorite social media, after Twitter.

J is for job.

I don’t have one.

K is for kids.

I worked with kids for about 6 months and loved every second of it.

L is for lollipops.

I have a hude container full of them in my room but I never eat them.

M is for music.

Not a day goes by that I don’t have it blaring from my speakers.

N is for nails.

I always have to have mine done.

O is for orange freeze from Taco Bell.

My favorite and I’m angry they don’t have it anymore.

P is for pasta.

My favorite food ever.

Q is for quitter.

Something I am not… sometimes.

R is for Rosecrans.

My last name.

S is for sloths.

Another favorite animal.

T is for tattoos.

I’ve got 5.

U is for ukulele.

I dabble.

V is for Vine.

R.I.P.

W is for wine.

I wish I had some right now.

X is for x-ray.

I’ve gotten so many I’ve lost track.

Y is for Youtube.

My source of vines.

Z is for Zach.

My best friend, and honestly the only thing I could think of that started with a Z. Hi Zach.

 

You guys should all try to make your own ABC’s! It’s so much harder than it seems and it really gets you thinking!

Hey guys!

As some of you may know, I have a Spotify playlist just for my readers. When I first made it, I added as many of my current favorite songs as I could before my thumbs turned to mush. Since then, I’ve made so many great discoveries and neglected to add them to the list!

While updating the playlist, I thought I could pick some of my favorites and give them an extra moment in the spotlight. They’re all really good (obviously), but some of them hit a little harder than the others. I usually listen to these songs whenever I go on long car rides so I can look out the window peacefully.

French Riviera- Cautious Clay

I never really listened to Cautious Clay until I heard this song and then I gave his music a chance. Not a disappointment. Something about his voice is so comforting. And this song is so catchy!

Alone- Lund

I’ve really loved a few Lund songs recently but Alone really tops them all. I can’t really describe why, but if you listen to it, I think you’ll understand.

Hold Me Down- Daniel Caesar

I have always loved Daniel Caesar’s voice. He could sing a grocery list and I’d still be in a trance. This song made me feel some type of way when I updated the playlist, so I chose it over his others. They’re all super good though.

Morning View- Towkio

This song makes me think of waking up on a beach with someone I love. It gives me calm summer vibes and I really dig it. I gave it a chance and when I heard SZA come in, I knew I didn’t make a mistake.

don’t worry about me- killedmyself

I love the guitar in this song. That’s why it made the list. I mean, I love the song, don’t get me wrong, but I seem to get lost in the guitar every time.

Beaches- Tokyo Police Club

I discovered Tokyo Police Club on accident. This was the first one I heard and I was hooked. I can’t tell what it is about their music that really gets me, but it hits. It makes me want to drive down a backroad with the windows down.

Cry Bird- Tennyson

Tennyson is 10/10. Always will be. The vocals give me chills. This song really hit home and it made me feel a lot better about where I’m at. It also gives me the urge to film some sort of montage.

Resonance- Home

Sometimes songs just scream “summer” to me and this song does exactly that. Well, that and “vine” (RIP). If you guys know what vine this is from, we could probably be best friends. But anyway, it’s a bop.

crash- EDEN

EDEN has always been one of my favorite singers ever. His voice is so beautiful and unique and ugh. I just really love him and this song is one of my current favorites. I would add so many EDEN songs, but I don’t want to force feed you EDEN. It should come naturally, and it probably will once you listen to him.

I’ve Been Doing Well- nothing.nowhere.

I love when a song has little audio intros before the music starts playing. It really sets a mood for me. And nothing.nowhere.’s music is really deep in my opinion. Good song.

My playlist just got a new make-over and a bunch of new songs were added so go check that out! The link to the playlist is in the sidebar! Let me know what songs you like from the playlist or if you have any suggestions!

 

Happy July 17th guys!

Yeah, it’s not a holiday, but it’s officially one month until I move out on my own! As you’ve probably read before, I’m super excited to be leaving my small hometown for a bigger city. I’m going to meet so many new people and explore new places. The memories will (hopefully) last a lifetime. Sure, I’m a little nervous for the day to come, but we all have to take the big leap at some point!

With only a month left, I have so much to do! Firstly, I have to sign papers for the apartment (it’s already mine, so no rush), buy all the necessities, and explore my new town!

I haven’t bought much at all for my apartment. I have a few small things like placemats, towels, and washcloths, but none of the big important things. Leave it to me to wait until the last minute to start checking things off my list! I assume that I’ll being doing a lot of shopping soon and can’t wait to see everything come together.

Not much for an update blog, but I figured I’d let everyone know that in one month, I’ll be heading north and marking a huge step in my life! So exciting!

Before I start, I want to apologize for being so absent. I haven’t been able to bring myself to write. I found so much motivation to write from the love that I found myself in. However, as you’ve been briefly informed, that love has changed- or died.

Everyone knows who you are, but for the sake of preventing drama I won’t say your name. You’re welcome.

You tell me that you love me, but I know the love is different. It kills me that I fell for you. The love I have for you will never go away, but your love for me faded. It’s not fair that this love has to be one sided. Especially because you promised me it never would be. It makes me wonder how many times you said that and second guessed yourself in your head.

You held my hand through everything. I never had to deal with things on my own because I had you by my side. I never asked you to be there, but you were. Unfortunately, I took advantage of that and became codependent. Every little minor inconvenience led to me crying to you. And now that I’ve lost you, I’m unsure of who to go to now. It’s so hard talking to you about how you’ve hurt me and how bad I miss you. It seems like whenever I do talk to you about it, you don’t give a shit. Sometimes I think you like to hear me suffering.

You made so many promises that you managed to break in that one text that you sent me calling things off. I never knew it could be that easy for anyone to do. Waking up to that text was like waking up to the world ending. In a sense, it was. The world that I spent almost 8 wonderful months living in was crashing down on top of me.

This is a picture of me from today. I went to a wedding. Remember when we said that we would get married? I believed that so deeply. I thought you’d never give up on us. Well anyway, I felt beautiful for the first time since you broke up with me. I felt comfortable with who I was. I didn’t stare at the ground when I walked. I had my chin up, and I even cracked a smile towards people walking the opposite way. I was happy.

When the ceremony began and I saw the groom walk out with his groomsmen, I saw the smile on his face and the eagerness pulsating through his body. He was so ready to see his “forever” walk down the aisle. When she finally made her entrance, he smiled so big and even started to tear up. It was beautiful. I felt the love between the two as they stood next to each other. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous.

I couldn’t help but think during the ceremony that it should’ve been us. Sure, not now, but down the line. It should’ve been us reciting vows and sharing our first kiss as Mr. and Mrs. The love that I felt between them was the same love that I felt between us. The only difference is that they never gave up.

Their love lasted.

 

 

First things first. Hoping everyone here in the states had an amazing 4th of July! I didn’t spend it the way that I wish I had, but I still had a good time celebrating our country’s freedoms.

Recently I’ve been finding a lot out about myself that I didn’t think would come as such a revelation- things like what makes me truly happy, how to address uncomfortable situations, and how to show affection without suffocation. I look back at all that’s happened to me in the past few months and wish that I knew then what I know now. But then I remember that the only reason I know what I do now is because I went through all I did without knowing. As nice as it would’ve been to know all of that before, it would’ve put me in a completely different place than where I am now and I don’t think I’d like that all too much.

I love where I’m at right now. I feel genuinely happy, something I haven’t been able to say in a while. I like leaving my house and spending time with friends again. I look out the window of my hotel room and see all these different roads connecting- cars passing by- and I think about how I’m like one of those cars. Each one has their own destination, and none of the other cars know anyone else’s destination. They’re getting themselves where they want to be because they want and need to be there. Isn’t that so crazy? It’s just like where I’m at. I want to be at a certain place in my life so I’m going to try my damn best to get myself there, even if it means taking a few detours and stops for fuel.

I promise myself, with you all as witnesses, that the remainder of the summer will be one of growth for me. I will look for the positives in all situations and make the best of those that don’t already seem to be the best. I owe this to myself.

 

Hey guys!

So I realized that I left you all in the dark regarding my last post. I was going through a huge defeat and was unsure of what would turn out. Fortunately enough for me, I am able to vent on this platform. I always feel a lot better after writing my feelings through my site. It feels like people are listening and I can say whatever I want.

I don’t want to make this any special post so I’m not going to go into detail about anything just yet (or maybe at all). I am just writing this to let you all know that I am doing a lot better and I no longer feel the way that I did before.

I’d like to thank everyone who reached out to me as a shoulder to cry on. Your support meant a lot to me and helped me see the brighter side of things.

Stay tuned for new posts that will be coming soon!

xoxo,

Megann Louise