Posted on June 14, 2018
Ex Best Friend Hannah,
It’s been a while since we’ve really talked. Sure we’ve exchanged a few words on Instagram, but that’s all. It’s not like how it used to be, and for reasons only a select few truly know and understand. But that’s ok. I like it better that way. I won’t go into detail about what happened between us since you already know. And although this is an open letter, it’s for you.
It wasn’t easy for me to lose my best friend. I felt like I lost my sister. The pain I felt was similar to grieving the death of someone. Perhaps I was grieving the death of a friendship… that would make sense. For weeks after our split (that makes it sound like we were dating), I sat in bed and tried to convince myself that it was only a small bump in the road. But it wasn’t. It was a head on collision.
Time seemed to go by slower once we stopped talking. I know we had distanced a little beforehand, but this was even harder. I remember nights where I was going through something awful and the only words I could get out were “I want Hannah.” But you’re not Beetlejuice so saying your name didn’t bring you nearer.
I’m reminded of our adventures whenever I scroll through my Snapchat memories or Timehop notifications. I remember when we went to the fair for only a few minutes until I got upset over a boy so you took me to McDonald’s. We made fun of the truck in front of us for having their tow mirrors out when they weren’t towing anything. “Gotta look like big tough country folk with our big tow mirrors.” I remember our field trip senior year to D.C. when we bought ice cream and hid away in your hotel room. To this day, the littlest things can trigger memories. Whenever I’m out shopping and see mermaid things, my mind goes straight to you.
Thank you for the nearly ten years of friendship. Each moment we spent together helped build me into the person I am now. I still hear you in my head telling me how dumb I am when I make stupid decisions and I know I’ll have your guidance with me even if I don’t have you.
No matter what happened to us, I will still always love you for being the best friend a girl could ever ask for. You supported me, kept me sane (sometimes, anyway), and gave me great advice. It’s been roughly ten months since we stopped talking, but it feels like a lifetime without you.
I hope you succeed in all that you go after, and achieve all your dreams you’ve had since you were young. I’m still silently rooting for you in the shadows.
Posted on February 20, 2018
Sometimes it’s hard to always be thankful for what your significant other does for you. When it’s consistent for so long, you tend to take it for granted. But recently I’ve been rethinking a lot of what has been going on in my relationship, and I realized how much my boyfriend does for me every single day. No, there was no fight or break up (he can’t get rid of me that easily). However, there was a time where I felt that I was not living up to the title of the “best girlfriend ever” that he had bestowed upon me. That’s when I noticed that he does so much for me and I need to recognize it more often.
1. He makes time for me.
He has a crazy schedule- school, basketball practice/game, homework/studying, work on the weekends. I’ve definitely seen it take its toll on him. However, he always finds a way to make time to see me. Sometimes he’ll do something as simple as surprising me at my house briefly after practice, but it’ll stay on my mind for days. He tells me his favorite days are the ones where he gets to see me.
2. He brings me food.
There’s been a lot of times where I haven’t been feeling well or I’ve been too tired to go out, and Zach will bring me food and come watch Netflix with me. Sometimes when he goes to McDonalds with the intentions of getting himself food, he ends up impulsively buying me something too and bringing it to me. Hell, he’s even brought me food to work before. He really knows the way to my heart.
3. He spends time with my family.
I think any girlfriend can agree that seeing their boyfriend talk deeply with their parents/siblings can melt their heart. Zach and my sister had a rocky start, but they eventually got pretty close and now they talk almost every time he comes over- either about boys, school drama, college, or sports. My mom and Zach always talk about high school basketball since he’s on the team and she’s at every game. I love watching them talk. It never feels forced, and they always have a good laugh. Their conversations put a smile on my face, and faith in my heart.
4. He lets me pay for things sometimes.
Ok, some people are going to call him names or belittle him for this, I’m sure. But I look at it like this: He has a job, I have a job, we’re in a healthy relationship, and (as much as I hate to be this person) it’s 2018. Girls can pay if they want. Guys can pay if they want. Sometimes it takes some bickering back and forth, or even a race to grab the bill, but I still get my opportunity to show my love for Zachary by throwing down a little money. Of course money isn’t what love is about, but I believe that if you’re willing to pay for someone else, it’s kind and shows the other person that you care.
5. He’s my best friend.
Yes, this is sappy. But it’s 100% true. He’s my go-to when I have to share my thoughts. He stays up late by his phone so I can tell him stories about work or school. He lets me gossip, and even chimes in sometimes just so I don’t feel ridiculous. But the best thing by far is that he lets me feel so comfortable with who I am. I can’t even begin to count how many “friends” I’ve had that have been judgmental towards me and my strange behaviors. Zach has embraced every single mood, characteristic, and vibe that I have portrayed.
6. He’s a good cook.
One perk of having a man who likes to eat is that he knows how to cook. When we stayed in Cleveland for his birthday, he made chicken parm that Gordon Ramsey would have (maybe) not hated. If I hadn’t been so tired when we had dinner- it was midnight when we finally got to sit down and eat- I would’ve eaten every last bit. Plus, he’s Italian so that definitely works in his favor!
7. He looks at me when I’m “not looking” and gives me forehead kisses.
There’s times when we’re together, lying down in bed, where I’ll start to doze off on his chest. Sometimes I like to peek at him, and see if he’s about to fall asleep too. But I always catch him looking at me. It’s not a “ew, get this thing off of me” look. It’s definitely a “wow, I’m so lucky” look. And it gets me every time. Sometimes I’ll ask him why he’s looking at me that way, to which I get a “huh? Oh, I don’t know” response. Other times I shut my eyes tight before he notices that I even saw him. Then, almost like a routine, he smirks (adorably, I might add) and gently kisses my forehead. That’s the best way to fall asleep, trust me.
It’s so easy to take all of these things for granted when you’re exposed to them all the time. However, I can’t let myself look past these random acts of love anymore. I recognize them for what they’re worth- everything. Zach has shown me that I have his heart, and that is something I do not take lightly. He is my best friend, partner in crime, and Friday night dinner date. But above all, he is the love that I never expected to find.