Here’s What Will Happen When You Fall in Love with Someone Who Can’t Love You

Short answer? It hurts like hell.

Long answer?

Things won’t feel right for a while. It’ll feel like you’re going through the motions. You’ll be checking your phone to see that they haven’t called or texted you. You’ll feel like you’re missing something in your day.

You’ll catch yourself thinking about them when you shouldn’t be. Any little thing will remind you of them- the shirt you wore that one time when they came over, the spot on the ceiling you looked at while they held you in their arms, the balled-up gum wrapper sitting on your bedside table. Everything becomes a trigger of a memory. You’ll know that you can’t keep thinking about them, but it’s out of your control.

You’ll wish you could talk to them. Maybe you can. Maybe they’ve said you can text them any time, but you know deep down that they said that just to be polite. Communicating is not something they really care about. If they did, they would’ve been honest with you from the start.

You’ll keep the photos for a while. Probably because you don’t want to let go. Or maybe because you’ve started to feel better but seeing their face washes away the flood gates and you feel all the feelings again. Their face will live in your phone until the feelings are such a distant memory that you forget they’re even there.

You’ll catch yourself falling even more. You know it won’t work, but that won’t stop you from thinking about how happy you two would be if. 

You’ll sleep more. Being awake leads to overthinking. Any time you open your eyes, you’ll shut them again and force yourself to go back to sleep. You won’t want to be awake. You may even feel a pain in your stomach when you think about taking on the day.

You’ll look at things differently. That quote from some philosopher whose name you can’t pronounce might start to have a heavier meaning to you. It might get you thinking. The sad parts of cheesy Hallmark movies might hit too close to home.

You’ll decide to make a change. Changes don’t just come out of thin air. You have to work for them. You have to make them what you want them to be. You’ll see that the position you are in is no longer serving you and want to change that.

You’ll eventually feel ok again. All this pain subsides in due time. I can’t tell you that it’ll be quick or easy. I can just tell you it’ll be right. If you hurt for months, that’s what is right for your path. Days? Hours? Same thing. You’ll start to feel normal and maybe even better than before. You’ll go out more, experience more, love more. You’ll be more you. You’ll love yourself how you wished they would have loved you.

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Megann Louise in 2020

Happy New Year! I hope everyone celebrated safely!

I, for one, rang in the new year in my pajamas. That’s right, no big “roaring 20’s” party for me. In typical Megann fashion, I was feeling a little under the weather so I decided to stay home and watch the ball drop from the comfort of my parents’ house.

I spent the last couple days of 2019 laying out the groundwork for what will be a transformative year for MegannLouise. I made it my New Year’s Resolution to make big changes with my online presence, so of course my top priority is to get my blog looking neater. I have so many crazy ideas that I can’t wait to get started on. There’s so much I can’t really share yet, but trust me- it’s going to be wild.

I can say that I will be posting regularly now, which has been something I’ve really struggled with in the past. It’s crazy to think that I finally figured out how to keep things going without big gaps when I used to pull my hair out over it. We’re going to leave inconsistency in 2019!

I’m also hoping to step my photography game up so I can include more pictures in my posts! I’m a visual person so that’s always my favorite part of reading others’ uploads.

OH! I plan to be using my Facebook page a lot more this year, so click here or the link below to like and follow along with everything I share on there!

This year is going to be so full of change and I can’t wait to see where it takes us!

If you missed it, I made a Facebook page! It’s where I’ll be sharing behind the scenes work, life updates, and other fun things you won’t see here! Check it out and drop a like!

https://www.facebook.com/MegannLouiseDotCom/

 

 

 

Paying Homage to 2019

Can you believe this is my third year writing my yearly recap? I can’t!

So for those who don’t know, at the end of every year I like to highlight some of my highs and lows of the year (see Paying Homage to 2017, Paying Homage to 2018). I started in 2017 as a casual post, not thinking I would keep up with it the following years. I always consider the third time to be what establishes something as a tradition, so here we are guys! It’s officially a Megann Louise tradition!

In last year’s recap, I said I was going to make 2019 my bitch. Well, we win some, we lose some, right? Whenever I look back on this year I get a bad taste in my mouth. I know a lot of great things happened, but I also experienced a lot of heartache. I’d consider this year to be one of great growth for me.

At the start of the year, I got to see Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with my sister and friend James. Their Youtube videos were what got me through a lot of hard stuff so it was wild that I was in the same room as them.

In May I finished my first year of college at CSU. I ended up making the Dean’s List, which I would not have expected at the beginning of the year. I finally decided on the right major for me in that time too- communication.

I moved out of my first apartment in May, too. It was the ending of an era, I suppose. That place became my home. I made so many wild memories in apartment 509. As sad as I was leaving, I felt a weird sense of relief too. I was leaving behind a piece of me, which was sort of sad, but I knew I was starting a new chapter.

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In July, I surprised my sister with a party for her 18th birthday. It was pretty last minute, but all her friends pitched in and helped me make things work. I was so grateful for everybody’s help in making it such a success. Being able to do something like that for my sister was so special to me.

Then there was a bump in the road. I said goodbye to a nearly two year relationship. Things just don’t work out sometimes and it’s for the best. I still have a ridiculous amount of love and respect for my ex. He’s a great guy…. just not my soulmate. And that’s alright. It took me a while to move past the heartbreak, which is to be expected when you were with someone for a long time. He is genuinely one of my best friends and I’m so lucky to still have him to confide in whenever I need him. While some would expect me to be sad that the relationship ended, I’m glad that I’m still lucky enough to have a friend in him.

For a while after the break up, I was in a really dark place and couldn’t seem to find the way out. I didn’t feel half as confident as I once did. I suppose it’s normal (but in no way healthy) to dog on yourself after a break up… at least for a little while. After I was finally able to get myself out of bed, I was going out to get my mind off of everything. That’s where the fun came in.

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First, we went to see Granger Smith. The story behind that one is a little random. We had gone to Walmart and there were two tour buses in the parking lot (which obviously isn’t a normal thing). Turns out Granger was at Walmart! We didn’t get to see him there, but we took it as a sign that we should buy two tickets to the show that was only hours away.  I have to say that that was one of the best nights I’d had in a while. The rush we felt after buying the tickets was insane. We immediately ran to get ready and blasted Granger throughout the house.

The very next night, we were invited to tag along to a Foreigner concert. I didn’t know too many songs (I know, what’s wrong with me?!) but I still had such a good time. I think that’s one of the first nights where I was able to fully drop every bad thought at the door and enjoy myself.

In late August, I moved back to Cleveland with my little sister for school. We got a new place with two other roommates that’s a lot nicer than the one I lived in the year before. I started what is the second semester of my sophomore year. Rianna, my sister, began her first semester as a freshman! The semester came with a lot of adjusting for us both and somehow we made it through all of the headaches.

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For the second year in a row, my dad, sister, and I went to the Cleveland Air Show. When I was little, my dad always talked about taking us. Then finally last year, we got to go. I’ll be honest- I didn’t think I’d enjoy it all that much. But it was so much fun, that I was jumping up and down over getting to go again this year. I’d love for this to become a tradition!

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To reward ourselves for kicking butt the first few weeks of school, Rianna and I went to our first Cleveland Indian’s game! I’ve never been a die hard baseball fan, but the atmosphere was so fun and I really enjoyed myself. I was still trying to recover from a lot mentally so that night was a breath of fresh air for me. Fun fact- I also bought my first legal drink at the game!

School got progressively more challenging and I went into a downward spiral. I started doing things I swore to myself I would never do. I just lost control of who I was. That’s when I reintroduced myself to faith. I let myself stray from religion in the past few years and by coming back, I felt myself finding closure and motivation to overcome everything I was facing.

Then I did something out of my comfort zone. After having several deep talks with my friend Kaleb, I found motivation to share my story. I went live on Instagram. I came clean about everything I had been feeling because I hoped being transparent would not only help me, but help someone watching. I was open about things that most people would consider taboo. Laying it all out on the table really helped me see the bigger picture. I even got some super sweet messages from people who watched to livestreams. There was so much support and understanding. It was beautiful. I don’t imagine I’ll ever get over that.

Shortly after, I reconnected with a friend I made during my first semester of school at CSU. We got lunch and caught each other up on our lives. We both had some wild stories to tell and a lot of laughs to share. I was really excited to have this friend in my life because he was absolutely hysterical and genuinely a great guy to be around. Fast forward a couple months, AND WE’RE DATING. Wild, right?

I’m so excited to be saying goodbye to this transformative decade. I’ve got a lot of goals for 2020. I want to make it a year of hard work and big steps. I refuse to end 2020 in the same place that I start it. It’s time to grow, baby!

Thank you to everyone who stuck around for another year as well as those who stumbled upon my site this year! You guys make each and every year so special. I hope you all have a magnificent new year and get all you want and need!

If you missed it, I made a Facebook page! It’s where I’ll be sharing behind the scenes work, life updates, and other fun things you won’t see here! Check it out and drop a like!

https://www.facebook.com/MegannLouiseDotCom/

 

December Update| Blogmas 2019

Before I get into today’s post, I have some side notes. I want to let everyone know that there was a slight scheduling mishap with my last three posts. For some reason, they never went public! But they’re up now, so check out My Winter Bucket List , Stocking Stuffers for College Students , and Photos I Want to Take This December! Also, I know this post is going up a little later than usual, and that’s because I really wanted to get this up TODAY but I also wanted to spend some time with my family relaxing. And again, finals are coming up so I’ve been hitting those books any chance I get!

Today I wanted to give you guys a little update on what I’ve been up to and how I’ve been feeling. I don’t want this whole blog to just be me talking about how I’m doing, but sometimes I like to check in and write in my “digital diary.”

Lately I’ve been doing pretty well. Things really seem to be looking up for me. Sure, little things have pushed my buttons here and there, but I haven’t let anything get to me for long.

I got to see an old friend of mine for the first time in almost two years, which is so crazy to think about! Andy had been in Japan doing his tough guy USMC thing and hadn’t been home since before we graduated high school. It was so much fun getting to see him and other old classmates of mine!

I’ve been focusing a lot on school lately, which is good for me. I was letting my poor mental health dictate whether or not I attended class or completed assignments for so long that my grades were taking some hard hits. I had to really buckle down for a couple weeks and study like crazy. I have finals tomorrow and Tuesday that will really be make it or break it for me. Keep your fingers crossed or send prayers if that’s your thing. I’ll be welcoming of whatever positivity you throw at me!

In other news, I’ve met someone. He’s really freaking cool and I can’t think of a single time that we’ve hung out where we haven’t been dying laughing together. Good signs, right?

I don’t want to say too much yet because I’m sure once the time is right, I won’t shut up about him. I guess you’ll hear more soon!

Quick thanks to everyone who has been keeping up with everything I’ve been doing on Instagram and Twitter while I’ve been taking my sporadic breaks on here! You guys are awesome!

If you missed it, I made a Facebook page! It’s where I’ll be sharing behind the scenes work, life updates, and other fun things you won’t see here! Check it out and drop a like!

https://www.facebook.com/MegannLouiseDotCom/

Prepping For Finals | Blogmas 2019

Finals week is next week and saying I’ve been overwhelmed would be an understatement.

I have so many papers and study guides to get completed. My head feels like it’s going to explode. I let the days fly by and totally lost track of time. Guess who’s really behind. Me. I’m behind. That’s who. *nervous laughter*

So I pretty much wanted today’s post to just be a short little heads up that blogmas might be super short posts until I’m through with finals next week.

Lame post, I know. But I had to get it out there somehow, right?

Ok, carry on with your day! See you tomorrow!

Thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Food is 100% up my alley so this holiday was practically made for me! But before I start licking plates clean, I want to go into who/what I am thankful for this year.

My family.

I can’t thank my family enough for everything they’ve done for me. In the last year, I’ve gone through a lot of struggles and they’ve been by my side through it all. They make bad days good and good days even better. I’ve always been able to call on them whenever I need a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with.

My hometown best friends.

My best friends from home have been holding it down for years. They’re some of the best people I could ever surround myself with. They always drop everything they’re doing to make sure I’m good and I can’t say thank you enough. I have so many great memories with them and I hope to make a lot more in the future.

My college friends.

I’ve met so many awesome people in college and they’re some of the greatest friends I could ask for. I could trust these people with my life. I was so blessed to have met these people in my classes.

School.

Having a good education is very important to me. I am so lucky and blessed to be able to further my education at Cleveland State University. It’s almost always a stressful headache but it’s all been worth it at the end of the day.

You guys.

Everyone who takes the time out of their day to read my posts are AMAZING! I am so unbelievably thankful for each and every one of you! It feels like I’ve made so many friends through blogging and I hope I can keep doing this for years to come.

What are you thankful for this year?

I hope that you and yours have an amazing Thanksgiving full of great food and even better memories!

If you missed it, I made a Facebook page! It’s where I’ll be sharing behind the scenes work, life updates, and other fun things you won’t see here! Check it out and drop a like!

https://www.facebook.com/MegannLouiseDotCom/

 

73 Questions Vogue Parody

After seeing Gillian’s post about the 73 Questions: Vogue Parody, I was curious what my answers would be so I had to give it a go! I’ve never really made it through a full video of 73 Questions other than Liza Koshy’s because she’s- well- everything. But being the narcissist I am, I was quick to jump onto this trend that’s going around the blogosphere.

So without further a due, here is my 73 Questions Vogue Parody!

 

1. What is your usual Starbucks drink?

A venti pink drink or mocha frappuccino! Yum!

2. What does your work station look like?

My bed, if I’m being completely honest.

3. All-time favorite food?

Any sort of pasta. Really. ANY.

4. Favorite author?

I’m more of a poetry reader so I’d have to say Atticus or Amanda Lovelace.

5. What do you think of open relationships?

As I’ve gotten older and experienced different things, I can see why someone would prefer it. I don’t think my complicated heart could ever handle it, but I don’t judge others who are in them!

6. What’s your favorite video game?

Mario Kart. 100%.

7. What’s your guilty pleasure treat?

Kit Kats. Anyone who knows me knows that,

8. Your favorite movie?

The entire Harry Potter series is my favorite. Pick any movie from it and I’d tell you it’s my favorite!

9. Favorite book?

Currently, it has to be This Star Won’t Go Out: The Life and Words of Esther Grace Earl, which is about the girl with terminal thyroid cancer who inspired John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars. It’s a must read for sure.

10. Best advice you’ve ever received?

After going through a hard breakup and feeling like I wasn’t worth anyone’s time, my grandma told me to yell “I am Megann Louise Rosecrans and I am valuable” whenever I was feeling down. It works wonders!

11. Twitter or Instagram?

Both? Can I say both?

12. Are you a desktop or a laptop person?

Laptop for sure. I’m way too fidgety for a desktop computer.

13. What projects are you working on right now?

I’m working on a bunch of things but I don’t want to spoil the surprises! Let’s just say… “big things coming.”

14. What’s your favorite color?

It used to be purple when I was little. Now it’s probably blue.

15. Did you get good grades in school?

A’s and B’s.

16. Dream job?

Making content online. Videos, blogs, etc.

17. Played any sports?

I was on a soccer team when I was little. And by “on a soccer team” I mean I owned the uniform. My shy self never played a second. I kept that bench HOT.

18. Do you have a degree?

We’re getting there, baby!

19. Nationality?

American.

20. What’s your favorite type of blog post to write?

Ones like these. Where I don’t wreck my brain over it.

21. What do you like to collect?

Carmex.

22. Describe yourself in three words.

Excessively Emotionally Attached.

23. If you were a rapper, what would your rapper name be?

Megann the Horse… is that funny?

24. Who was the last person you DM’d?

My best friend Shelby.

25. What’s on the top of your wish list right now?

Anything warm because my apartment is always like 30 degrees.

26. Sorting House?

Hufflepuff.

27. How many tattoos do you have?

I have 5 and I’ve planned my 6th and 7th already!

28. What are you most grateful for this year?

Being reintroduced to my faith.

29. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you this month?

I got to bring someone really special home to meet my parents. That was the first time I really “brought someone home” and it was nice.

30. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you today?

I took a long, hot shower and felt my body temperature return to normal. Maybe the blood in my veins thawed too. Then I got out and went back into my freezing cold room.

31. What’s the best thing ever?

Connecting with people.

32. Favorite season?

Fall. I can’t imagine it ever being anything else either.

33. Favorite holiday?

Thanksgiving!

34. What fictional character do you relate to the most?

I’ve never really thought about that before. Hmm… I have no clue!

35. Do you like surprises?

NOT AT ALL.

36. What’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had?

Probably where my life is now, if I’m being completely transparent. I never expected to even see 21, let alone have all this going for me if I did!

37. What’s the surprise that made you cry?

I don’t really cry when I’m surprised… I’m emotionless, I know.

38. What’s the best surprise you’ve ever given someone?

I suck at surprises. But maybe the surprise 18th birthday party I threw my sister this year!

39. Do you like muffins?

Only pumpkin muffins! Those are HEAVEN.

40. Do you cook often?

I never have the time or energy. I should probably force myself to more often!

41. What’s your favorite dessert?

I was just thinking about it today. Either a super chocolatey brownie (edge piece only) or a strawberry jello pretzel dessert!

42. Is there a dessert you dislike?

Cheesecake! Yuck!

43. Cake or pie?

Cake. Hands down!

44. What’s your least favorite food?

Any seafood other than calamari.

45. What’s your favorite condiment?

Ketchup or Mayo.

46. It’s 4 am on a Saturday night, what would you eat?

Probably donuts or chocolate pudding. Whatever I can get from the kitchen without waking up my roommates.

47. If you could teach a college class, what would it be called?

How to Bullshit Assignments 101.

48. Best animated film?

Finding Nemo.

49. What has a guy done or said to impress you?

After my experiences with guys, simple things like “I know whether to write a zero or one on my W2” is impressive to me. Yikes.

50. The best thing to do on a first date?

Hang out somewhere that’s moderately loud so there’s no awkward silence!

51. The worst thing to do on a first date?

Anything romantic. I get super uncomfortable!

52. What’s the funniest pick-up line a guy could use on a girl?

I used to have a friend who would send me pickup lines he used on girls and I died laughing at them but I can’t think of any right of hand!

53. Best comic book character?

I’ve never touched a comic book. I know. Sue me.

54. What are three things that are always in your purse?

Carmex, my apartment keys, and my wallet.

55. Favorite drink?

Starbucks pink drink.

56. If you could play a historical figure in a movie who would it be?

I think it would have to be my ginger queen, Lindsey Lohan.

57. Kittens or puppies?

Kittens. They’re cuddly little babies. I used to have a kitten who never wanted me to leave him or he’d cry. I had to have my sister babysit him while I ate because he’d just lay on my chest and try to bite whatever I brought toward my mouth!

58. Tell me your favorite sushi roll?

Sushi? YUCKKKKKKK!

59. What kind of lipstick do you use?

I’m not a big lipstick person but I used to use the L’Oréal Paris J-Lo lipstick in Jennifer’s Nude.

60. What kind of foundation do you use?

I opt for elf tinted moisturizer instead! Much lighter weight!

61. Blow dry or Air dry?

Air dry!

62. Who is your fashion icon?

Milena Ciciotti. I loooove her style!

63. Favorite Disney character?

Princess Ariel, my fellow redhead.

64. What are doing tomorrow?

Working on papers and projects that are due soon. The grind doesn’t stop!

65. A movie you laughed the hardest through?

C Me Dance. If you know, you know.

66. A movie that made you cry?

The Lion King (2019). I had never seen the first movie so the mix of shock and realism got me good.

67. If you could sing a duet with someone, who would it be?

Assuming I could sing in this alternate universe, I would love to sing with EDEN. He’s such a god.

68. If your life were a song, what would be the title?

Right now? Probably Better Than You Loved Me by Aaron Smith.

69. What’s your favorite animal?

There’s a ton. Right now my mind is telling my to say sloths. So, sloths.

70. Favorite illustrator?

Not a single clue.

71. A person you want to have coffee with?

My big-second-something Eric! We’ve never met in person, but he’s been like a big brother to me for years!

72. What country do you wish to visit?

I’ve always wanted to go to Australia!

73. Best way to decompress?

Watching Youtube movie commentaries in bed with Kit Kats and a strawberry daiquiri by my side. Sounds like a perfect stress reliever to me!

 

This was a lot of fun! A lot of these questions got my brain going to places I hadn’t really been to before!

If you want to participate in the tag, I TAG YOU! Just let me know if you complete it so I can see what your answers are! I’d love to see!

If you missed it, I made a Facebook page! It’s where I’ll be sharing behind the scenes work, life updates, and other fun things you won’t see here! Check it out and drop a like!

https://www.facebook.com/MegannLouiseDotCom/