You Don’t Earn Your Depression

The other day, I came across an article on Odyssey called “You Don’t Need A Reason For Your Depression, It’s Still Valid if Your Life is Technically ‘Good’“and it really got me thinking about a conversation I had with someone recently.

I was talking to a friend about how hard things have been and how badly I wished I wasn’t here. I vented about everything because I felt like I was talking to someone I could trust… someone who would help. Instead, I got the grand old “there are people who have it worse than you” lecture.

And in that moment, I felt disappointment and guilt. Disappointment because that wasn’t at all what I wanted or expected to hear. It was like I was reaching for help but they were stepping on my fingers. Guilt because now I felt terrible for taking everything I had for granted. Even guilt for speaking up about how I was feeling.

I spent a few days feeling awful about feeling awful.

Now I’m finally realizing how wrong that is. I mean, I always thought it was messed up for someone to say you’re not allowed to be upset because people have it worse than you. It’s like saying you can’t be happy because someone has it better than you. But something about the way it had been said to me that night was so manipulative that I was immediately convinced it was the truth.

My poor brain was doing flips. I kept shaming myself for overthinking or feeling pain. Any time I was sad, I told myself I was wrong. It added another layer of problems for me. It was like trying to put out a fire with more fire.

If you’re ever told that you shouldn’t be reacting a certain way because “someone else has it worse than you,” or “someone else would kill to be in the position you’re in,” know that your feelings are valid. It is not your job to base your pain on the pain of others. It is not your job to turn off your feelings at the flip of a switch because someone says you shouldn’t feel that way.

I hate what this person said to me. I hate this person’s mindset. But I don’t hate this person. I actually love them a lot. So, as you can imagine, it really hurts me that I can no longer feel comfortable talking to them about my struggles.

I didn’t want to write about this at first because I was afraid it would cause problems with the person who said it, but at the end of the day it needed to be said. Someone else might need to hear this. I hope the person who said this to me reads this. Let’s be honest, they’re probably going through some shit too.

Please, reach out to your friends. Make sure they’re ok. It isn’t easy to ask someone for help. By showing that interest yourself, it invites and reassures them.

 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

1-800-273-8255

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What We Can All Learn From Cameron Boyce’s Untimely Death

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Today I had a different post scheduled to go up. However, with the recent news of Cameron Boyce’s passing, I wanted to make this post instead. It’s something that has been on my mind for quite some time and now is the perfect time to share it with everyone.

Before getting into my message, let’s reflect on Cameron Boyce.

Boyce passed away in his sleep after suffering from a seizure linked to an ongoing medical condition, according to his family’s spokesperson. He was 20 years old. In his short years on Earth, he became a familiar face to those who watched Disney Channel productions such as Jessie and Descendants, or Adam Sandler’s films Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2. These are only a few of his many performances that grew his massive following.

He was also a philanthropist who devoted a lot of his time to the Thirst Project, a non-profit organization that brings clean drinking water to areas where it is not readily accessible. In one of his last interviews, he mentioned that he wanted to be a ‘difference maker.’ He said, “many people have the heart to give back, but a lot don’t know how to. I try to be the bridge for those people – whether that means getting them involved in one of my campaigns or inspiring them by showing them a blueprint of how to get others engaged.” While most Disney actors are practically required to give off an image of innocence and selflessness, he radiated that energy naturally.

Boyce was the first Disney actor from our time to pass away, which has introduced a new type of pain and greiving to the many viewers/fans of Boyce’s work. We grew up watching him grow up. We welcomed him into our home each time he appeared on our television. Whenever an actor our parents watch passes, it doesn’t necessarily hit home for us as much as Cameron’s passing has for so many our age.

His death should go as a reminder to those of you who may have forgotten- life is short and unpredictable. As previously mentioned, Cameron Boyce was a fresh 20 years old when he passed. It is safe to assume that he had much planned for his future that he did not get to achieve in his lifetime. Perhaps he had plans for days, weeks, months, years down the road that can no longer be fulfilled.

 Any second could be your last. Any second could be someone you love’s last. We cannot waste a second of our time being anything less than grateful for all our life has offered us. We are never promised another day. Live in the moment. Appreciate everything. Holding grudges or resentment toward others is a waste of your precious time and can also prevent you from making the sweetest memories. Spread love, hope, positivity, strength, and support always. And while you are working to make your life all you’ve ever wanted it to be, don’t be too busy to help boost others when they need it. They say being a good person doesn’t cost you anything, and they’re right. And the payout is even greater. Knowing that you’re enough to help others is an amazing feeling I hope all of you get to feel one day if not now.

 

Of course my condolences are with Cameron’s friends, family, and millions of fans at this time.