Meet My Boyfriend

As I mentioned when I first came back, a lot has happened over my spicy COVID summer. One of those things being meeting my boyfriend and my better half, Colt. And ever since we met, we’ve been inseparable. It’s pretty cool.

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I was hesitant on writing about our relationship just yet because of what usually happens whenever I share too much of my personal life too soon (hint: it goes to shit), but I think that now more than ever, we have to be over the moon about every victory. And Colt is definitely one of my biggest victories.

Colt is the sweetest man I have ever met, let alone dated. He cares so much for other people and is always willing to go out of his way to make sure others have what they need. I was immediately shocked (and impressed) by how selfless this man is. It was one of the first things that got me hooked.

He was the first man to actually take me out on a first date, open every door for me, and treat me with unwavering respect. I’m amazed that someone like him exists. I don’t believe that I deserve him in the slightest, but I won’t complain.

Something extra special about our relationship is that it is my first long distance relationship. I mean, it’s not super long distance, but it’s still a whole new ball game for me. We’re nearly four hours apart, which can be daunting at times, but we’ve learned to make the best of it. Plus that saying, “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” has proven itself to be very, very true.

I know that Colt and I will be going on several adventures together, so you’ll be hearing a lot about him in the future. Be ready!

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A Letter to Myself One Year Ago

In honor of my 22nd birthday being just 2 days away (lots of 2’s… my favorite number), I wanted to share a letter to myself that I wrote while in a weird spot during quarantine. I really wanted to reflect on the last year and all it gave to me.

Hey Meg, let’s talk.

This next year is going to be monumental for you. It is going to be the time of so much growth for you. I promise you that who you are now is not who you will be in just a few weeks. Then every day after that, you’ll change again. Growing pains come along with that, but it’s nothing you can’t handle.
This is harsh, but the people in your life now will not be as important to you as they are now. You guys will all be transforming into new people and a couple friendships will be outgrown. That’s ok though. You’ll survive. You’re going to get your heart broken big time, then a few more times spiradically. But I promise you that every person who breaks your heart isn’t worth the dirt under your shoes. And their behavior isn’t your fault either. They’ve got their own problems to work through. Also, try not to hate them. It’s not worth it and honestly, it’s draining.
But guess what! All of this pain and change is leading up to something spectacular! You’re going to be so much happier.
You’re going to fall in love with someone who is bigger than the universe in your eyes. He’ll become your best friend, your lover, your medicine. You’ll feel so safe with him and never have to question him or his intentions. They’ll say to take things slow after you’ve gotten your heart broken so many times, but don’t listen to them. Dive right in. It’s ok. He’s one of the good ones. You’re going to trust him with your deepest secrets… ones only you know. He’ll be so far from anyone you’ve ever dated. He’s not your normal type at all. But that’s good. I mean, how well has your type worked out for you so far? Exactly. Don’t be afraid of what society says about time in relationships. Fall hard and fast. He’s there to catch you.
School will be interesting this year. You’ll go boy crazy fall semester and not pay as much attention to classes as you should. And you’ll hate yourself for it. Your grades won’t be the best, but they won’t be awful because at the last second you’ll get your shit together… like usual. Spring semester will get a little complicated though. You’ll ride most of the semester out and kick ass even though you’ll hate 50% of your classes. You’ll drop one class after a couple weeks because that professor is a shit stain (don’t even excuse my language) and you’ll be mad at yourself for giving up. Don’t be. It was the best decision you could have made under the circumstances. You’ll get back into the swing of school finally. You typically have one off-semester and then come back swinging for the second anyway. This semester won’t end like normal. You’ll leave for spring break and not come back. COVID-19 will show its ugly face and mess everything up. It’ll become a pandemic and nobody will know what is going on. A health concern that effects everyone will become a political issue for some reason, and you’ll want to hit a lot of people in the head with a 2×4 for it. Everyone will downplay its impact, but it’s going to kill a lot of people. You’ll expect it to go away in a couple weeks but it’ll stick around for much, much longer. You’ll finish your spring semester online, but that’ll be the best thing to happen to you because you’ll get more time to focus on your studies. You’ll end the semester with a 3.85 GPA. Yeah, it’s not a 4.0 and that’s because you kind of slacked off at the beginning of the semester, but that’s ok. You kicked ass. You might even make it into that honor society like you want so badly!
This year can only be as good as you make it. It’ll test your patience and sanity, but if you keep looking at the bright side, there’s nothing you can’t do.

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Answering the Most Beautiful Questions

Hi guys and happy Monday! We’re back on schedule with weekly posts, ladies and gentlemen!

Not long ago I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw an account had shared “The Most Beautiful Questions.” I flipped through them and quickly answered them all to myself. I was blown away by how unique the questions were as well as how hard they were to answer. So of course I had to bring them to you guys!

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
Oh there’s so much I would do. First of all, I would invest every second of every day into my writing and the dream job that I want. I would create my brand and live my dream life. I would fall in love with my life again. I would take more chances in general, I suppose.

How are you, really?
Right now, much better than I have been in years. I’m so happy, healthy, and motivated. Feeling so refreshed is such a blessing and I hope that it never goes away. I’m waking up excited to see what every day holds, and that’s so far from the life I was living even only a couple of months ago. I tried to use the unfortunate time COVID brought us in the most positive way- life auditing- and it really payed off.

Are you finding your dream job or are you creating it?
Hopefully both. More than anything in the world, I want to create content. But that’s a lot easier said than done. Since my unplanned break, I’ve had so much work to do in order to play catch up and make up for lost time. So clearly creating my dream job will take a little longer than expected. But I hope that I’ll get there one day. And until then, I hope to find something that is just as dreamy to get me by.

When was the last time you did something for the first time?
This question is interesting. I suppose it would be right now. I recently decided to start reading the bible in its entirety. I’m just starting out with little experience in all of this, so it’s been pretty challenging sometimes. But I’ve made an Instagram page for my bible studies and I’ve had so many sweet, kind hearted people DMing me with explanations and links to tools that can help me. But yeah, I think that’s the last time I did something for the first time.

Why are you worth knowing?
This question actually intimidated me. I had to take a second to sit and think about an answer. Is that bad? Generally speaking, I think I’m worth knowing because I’m a hard worker and I try to be true to myself. But that’s a really loaded question that I could take in so many different directions.

What or who lights you up?
So many things. So many people. Right now all I can think of is my sweetest sweetheart boyfriend who keeps me motivated and confident each and every single day. I’ve never met anyone who has connected with me on such a deep level and really touched my heart. Without a doubt, he is the reason for who I am today. He’s my hero.

How do you treat people who can do nothing for you?
I think everybody can do something for me, no matter how big or small. A lot of people who I have never met or even glanced at have done something for me. And you never really know when someone can or cannot do something for you, so I try to stay kind and appreciative.

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End of the Month Check-in | July 2020

Happy Friday guys! I originally wasn’t planning on posting today but I woke up with the urge to write, so here I am!

Something that I’ve been wanting to incorporate into my posting schedule is a monthly check-in. These will be very similar to my life audits, which I will be writing an instructional post on soon. In these check-ins, I’ll do a quick reflection of the last month and plan for the following month. I give myself ten minutes to complete the reflection so I’m not overthinking or overanalyzing things.

So let’s do July’s check-in to start things out!

I feel…

pretty good about how this month has gone for the most part. I think a lot of the decisions I made this month were in the best interests of myself and those around me.

I need…

to stop being so hard on myself. This month I noticed I was comparing myself to others a lot and getting down on myself. I need to pick myself up and dust myself up in August.

I forgive…

myself for being so mean to myself this month. These things happen. But just because I forgive myself doesn’t mean I’ll let it continue.

I celebrate…

getting a new laptop! I was without a functioning laptop for the entire month of July and I was really struggling. I used an old one from high school and honey, that poor thing has been seen better days. It feels good to be using a computer that doesn’t shut off on its own or delete my projects!

I release…

any bad energy I have stored deep inside me. That shit needs to go.

I trust…

myself to make the right decisions for myself, no matter how hard they may be. I also trust myself to think about the long/short term outcomes of my actions.

I hope…

to have a successful and productive August.

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How I’m Staying Busy During Isolation

In a time like this, it’s easy to lose sight of all the positivity around us. So many of us are worried about the pandemic (myself included) and it’s hard to take our eyes off of the news. But for my own sanity, I’ve kept myself busy everyday.

If you follow me on Instagram, you can keep up with everything I’m doing while in isolation. I’ve even created a highlight appropriately named “Stay Home” that shows you all the things I’ve been doing to keep busy.

Like I’ve said in previous posts, I’m back at my family home. That means I have a back yard again! I spent a day with my sister cleaning up the backyard by raking up leaves, picking up sticks, and cutting dead branches off trees. We’ve been talking about breaking out my projector and watching a movie outside once the weather is nicer.

Before things got too bad where I’m living, I went out and bought some coloring books. I know it’s sort of juvenile, but coloring is really calming and out of all the times I’ve needed to relax, I think now tops them. I got markers and colored pencils at first, then at a later trip I discovered watercolor pencils (WHAT?!). They’re super cool and really entertaining to mess around with. All you have to do is dip the tip into some water and color just like a normal colored pencil.

I also love cleaning my room! When I moved out of my family house, I was too busy making sure I had everything to clean up my old space. I wish you guys could have seen how much stuff was thrown around my room. I have a closet filled with shoes that may or may not even be in pairs, storage bins filled with old junk I probably haven’t even touched since my senior year of high school (3 years ago), and jewelry I’ll literally never wear balled up on my dresser. Because things are so hectic and scary right now, I can’t get out to donate anything just yet, but I know that once things have simmered down I’ll have a lot to get rid of.

Every day has been an adjustment for us at the house. Being in a small town where the entertainment typically comes from late night trips to Walmart has been hard. I haven’t been in a store in maybe three weeks, only going when my grandparents or parents need something.

My sister and I took a quick trip to our apartment the other day to grab a few more of our things. At this point, we’re pretty much moved back home. We keep grabbing more things and bringing them home just to have. We’re not sure when we’ll be back at the apartment full time though. We’ve been told by some locals that things aren’t looking too great there.

Like always, I hope you and yours are staying safe.

Can’t wait for things to go back to “normal.”

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Coronavirus

Wherever you are, I hope you are staying safe, washing your hands (which you should have been doing regardless), and being mindful of others.

I’m currently spending week one of spring break at home with my family. We’ve been watching all the latest updates on COVID-19 and preparing for what may come. Are we bulk-buying toilet paper? No, but we are making sure we have what we need before it’s all picked over by the impulsive panic-buyers.

My university, like I said before, is on spring break this week. However, they have extended spring break another week and planned for online classes to begin the following week amidst positive coronavirus tests in our county as well as surrounding counties. While other universities have closed their doors for the semester, ours is planning to return to regular in-person lectures April 10th.

In the meantime, I ask everyone to practice good hygiene (I can’t believe I’m asking this) and be mindful of precautions established by the Center for Disease Control. You don’t need 50 rolls of Angel Soft or 20 boxes of Mac and Cheese… at least I didn’t see that on their website!

Also, for those who are not in the “risk group” for the virus, please keep in mind that while it may appear to be a simple cold that you will get over, you can easily pass it on to someone who cannot recover as easily, if at all.

Please stay home if you are sick.

To learn more information on COVID-19, click here to visit the CDC website. 

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Books I NEED To Read

I’ve never really had the time (or interest) to read. I used to love reading, but as I grew older, I felt a shift where I almost never picked up a book unless I absolutely had to… and even that was rare. But I recently decided that I want to change that.

I took my biweekly trip to Target with my sister the other day. It was one of the first times in a while that I wasn’t being rushed, so I thought I’d stop at the book section. I found myself drowning in so many options. My sister was not getting me out of the aisle no matter how hard she tried.

Unfortunately, groceries were top priority, so I could only get one book that trip. After ten minutes of going back and forth, I finally chose Own Your Everyday by Jordan Lee Dooley. It’s a beautiful book so far. It’s all about overcoming pressure and getting past whatever is holding you back. I really needed to read it right now. Perfect book, perfect timing.

But, like I said, there were a ton of books that I wanted to read. I was sure to jot down all the titles and authors so I could remember them all and start checking them off a list. I even looked online for even more books I may want to read.

 

The Little Book of Otter Philosophy by Jennifer McCartney

The Joy of Missing Out by Tonya Dalton

The Art of Breaking Up by hitRECord

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin

Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

Let Love Have the Last Word: A Memoir by Common

10% Happier by Dan Harris

The World According to Mister Rogers by Fred Rogers

Make Sh*t Happen by Alex Martin

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I Learned My Enneagram Type and It’s Wicked Accurate

In the past week, I’ve made several discoveries.

  1. I like the smell of cactus flower and coconut.
  2. I operate terribly when I pull all nighters.
  3. I am a enneagram type four.

I never really got into enneagrams and all that jazz because for the longest time, it confused me. I didn’t really understand what it meant or where it came from. But I finally caved and did a little research.

For those who don’t know, an enneagram is “a system of personality typing that describes patterns in how people conceptualize the world and manage their emotions,” according to Truity.com.

To determine my enneagram number, I took this quiz. It was short and FREE!

I ended up being a type four. What does this mean? Is it accurate?

Type Four is known as the individualist. This person is “self-aware, sensitive, and reserved,” according to the Enneagram Institute. I think I’d have to go ahead and agree with this one. Anyone who knows me knows that especially in new environments I am very reserved and try to stay pretty self-aware.

“While it is true that Fours often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. The “romantics” of the Enneagram, they long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world.”

Ok, that hit me like a truck. I can’t agree with this anymore. I love having time to myself, but I don’t like being alone/lonely at the end of the day. Wanting someone to appreciate my “secret self” is my ultimate dream, and in recent months, I’ve found myself worrying that I’m too different for someone to appreciate me in that way… which is another characteristic of a type four. Wild, right?

Addictions include, “Over-indulgence in rich foods, sweets, alcohol to alter mood, to socialize, and for emotional consolation. Lack of physical activity. Bulimia. Depression. Tobacco, prescription drugs, or heroin for social anxiety. Cosmetic surgery to erase rejected features.”

 I could really go in and tell you how accurate this is, but I’ll just touch on a few areas. Ok, so the first part- sweets. I have a decent sized candy jar in my room that is stocked up at all times. So you tell me.

Alcohol? I’ll be honest… I’ve indulged a few times as a coping mechanism. Not something I’m proud of, but it’s something that’s real accurate. There was a time where I fell off and found myself reaching for the bottle regularly. I cleaned up nice, though.

Finally, cosmetic surgery. I’ve said so many times that I want to get my nose straightened and smoothed out on the bridge. It has a really weird flat top and itty bitty bump that I’m not a fan of. I’ve also talked about getting lip filler because my bottom lip is the size of at least three of my top lip and it looks insane.

Finding out what my enneagram type is was really exciting. It really helped me see my life in a whole new light. Reading certain traits made me feel a lot better about the direction I am heading in and the way I behave in certain situations.

I highly encourage you to take the quiz and learn what type you are!

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You Don’t Earn Your Depression

The other day, I came across an article on Odyssey called “You Don’t Need A Reason For Your Depression, It’s Still Valid if Your Life is Technically ‘Good’“and it really got me thinking about a conversation I had with someone recently.

I was talking to a friend about how hard things have been and how badly I wished I wasn’t here. I vented about everything because I felt like I was talking to someone I could trust… someone who would help. Instead, I got the grand old “there are people who have it worse than you” lecture.

And in that moment, I felt disappointment and guilt. Disappointment because that wasn’t at all what I wanted or expected to hear. It was like I was reaching for help but they were stepping on my fingers. Guilt because now I felt terrible for taking everything I had for granted. Even guilt for speaking up about how I was feeling.

I spent a few days feeling awful about feeling awful.

Now I’m finally realizing how wrong that is. I mean, I always thought it was messed up for someone to say you’re not allowed to be upset because people have it worse than you. It’s like saying you can’t be happy because someone has it better than you. But something about the way it had been said to me that night was so manipulative that I was immediately convinced it was the truth.

My poor brain was doing flips. I kept shaming myself for overthinking or feeling pain. Any time I was sad, I told myself I was wrong. It added another layer of problems for me. It was like trying to put out a fire with more fire.

If you’re ever told that you shouldn’t be reacting a certain way because “someone else has it worse than you,” or “someone else would kill to be in the position you’re in,” know that your feelings are valid. It is not your job to base your pain on the pain of others. It is not your job to turn off your feelings at the flip of a switch because someone says you shouldn’t feel that way.

I hate what this person said to me. I hate this person’s mindset. But I don’t hate this person. I actually love them a lot. So, as you can imagine, it really hurts me that I can no longer feel comfortable talking to them about my struggles.

I didn’t want to write about this at first because I was afraid it would cause problems with the person who said it, but at the end of the day it needed to be said. Someone else might need to hear this. I hope the person who said this to me reads this. Let’s be honest, they’re probably going through some shit too.

Please, reach out to your friends. Make sure they’re ok. It isn’t easy to ask someone for help. By showing that interest yourself, it invites and reassures them.

 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

1-800-273-8255

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