Paying Homage to 2019

Can you believe this is my third year writing my yearly recap? I can’t!

So for those who don’t know, at the end of every year I like to highlight some of my highs and lows of the year (see Paying Homage to 2017, Paying Homage to 2018). I started in 2017 as a casual post, not thinking I would keep up with it the following years. I always consider the third time to be what establishes something as a tradition, so here we are guys! It’s officially a Megann Louise tradition!

In last year’s recap, I said I was going to make 2019 my bitch. Well, we win some, we lose some, right? Whenever I look back on this year I get a bad taste in my mouth. I know a lot of great things happened, but I also experienced a lot of heartache. I’d consider this year to be one of great growth for me.

At the start of the year, I got to see Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with my sister and friend James. Their Youtube videos were what got me through a lot of hard stuff so it was wild that I was in the same room as them.

In May I finished my first year of college at CSU. I ended up making the Dean’s List, which I would not have expected at the beginning of the year. I finally decided on the right major for me in that time too- communication.

I moved out of my first apartment in May, too. It was the ending of an era, I suppose. That place became my home. I made so many wild memories in apartment 509. As sad as I was leaving, I felt a weird sense of relief too. I was leaving behind a piece of me, which was sort of sad, but I knew I was starting a new chapter.

67341634_2614962171898080_5998783296224362496_n.jpg

In July, I surprised my sister with a party for her 18th birthday. It was pretty last minute, but all her friends pitched in and helped me make things work. I was so grateful for everybody’s help in making it such a success. Being able to do something like that for my sister was so special to me.

Then there was a bump in the road. I said goodbye to a nearly two year relationship. Things just don’t work out sometimes and it’s for the best. I still have a ridiculous amount of love and respect for my ex. He’s a great guy…. just not my soulmate. And that’s alright. It took me a while to move past the heartbreak, which is to be expected when you were with someone for a long time. He is genuinely one of my best friends and I’m so lucky to still have him to confide in whenever I need him. While some would expect me to be sad that the relationship ended, I’m glad that I’m still lucky enough to have a friend in him.

For a while after the break up, I was in a really dark place and couldn’t seem to find the way out. I didn’t feel half as confident as I once did. I suppose it’s normal (but in no way healthy) to dog on yourself after a break up… at least for a little while. After I was finally able to get myself out of bed, I was going out to get my mind off of everything. That’s where the fun came in.

IMG_4199

First, we went to see Granger Smith. The story behind that one is a little random. We had gone to Walmart and there were two tour buses in the parking lot (which obviously isn’t a normal thing). Turns out Granger was at Walmart! We didn’t get to see him there, but we took it as a sign that we should buy two tickets to the show that was only hours away.  I have to say that that was one of the best nights I’d had in a while. The rush we felt after buying the tickets was insane. We immediately ran to get ready and blasted Granger throughout the house.

The very next night, we were invited to tag along to a Foreigner concert. I didn’t know too many songs (I know, what’s wrong with me?!) but I still had such a good time. I think that’s one of the first nights where I was able to fully drop every bad thought at the door and enjoy myself.

In late August, I moved back to Cleveland with my little sister for school. We got a new place with two other roommates that’s a lot nicer than the one I lived in the year before. I started what is the second semester of my sophomore year. Rianna, my sister, began her first semester as a freshman! The semester came with a lot of adjusting for us both and somehow we made it through all of the headaches.

69646166_2702449293149367_5465703551856541696_n.jpg

For the second year in a row, my dad, sister, and I went to the Cleveland Air Show. When I was little, my dad always talked about taking us. Then finally last year, we got to go. I’ll be honest- I didn’t think I’d enjoy it all that much. But it was so much fun, that I was jumping up and down over getting to go again this year. I’d love for this to become a tradition!

69566432_2706053586122271_6932948673198292992_n.jpg

To reward ourselves for kicking butt the first few weeks of school, Rianna and I went to our first Cleveland Indian’s game! I’ve never been a die hard baseball fan, but the atmosphere was so fun and I really enjoyed myself. I was still trying to recover from a lot mentally so that night was a breath of fresh air for me. Fun fact- I also bought my first legal drink at the game!

School got progressively more challenging and I went into a downward spiral. I started doing things I swore to myself I would never do. I just lost control of who I was. That’s when I reintroduced myself to faith. I let myself stray from religion in the past few years and by coming back, I felt myself finding closure and motivation to overcome everything I was facing.

Then I did something out of my comfort zone. After having several deep talks with my friend Kaleb, I found motivation to share my story. I went live on Instagram. I came clean about everything I had been feeling because I hoped being transparent would not only help me, but help someone watching. I was open about things that most people would consider taboo. Laying it all out on the table really helped me see the bigger picture. I even got some super sweet messages from people who watched to livestreams. There was so much support and understanding. It was beautiful. I don’t imagine I’ll ever get over that.

Shortly after, I reconnected with a friend I made during my first semester of school at CSU. We got lunch and caught each other up on our lives. We both had some wild stories to tell and a lot of laughs to share. I was really excited to have this friend in my life because he was absolutely hysterical and genuinely a great guy to be around.

I’m so excited to be saying goodbye to this transformative decade. I’ve got a lot of goals for 2020. I want to make it a year of hard work and big steps. I refuse to end 2020 in the same place that I start it. It’s time to grow, baby!

Thank you to everyone who stuck around for another year as well as those who stumbled upon my site this year! You guys make each and every year so special. I hope you all have a magnificent new year and get all you want and need!

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

73 Questions Vogue Parody

After seeing Gillian’s post about the 73 Questions: Vogue Parody, I was curious what my answers would be so I had to give it a go! I’ve never really made it through a full video of 73 Questions other than Liza Koshy’s because she’s- well- everything. But being the narcissist I am, I was quick to jump onto this trend that’s going around the blogosphere.

So without further a due, here is my 73 Questions Vogue Parody!

 

1. What is your usual Starbucks drink?

A venti pink drink or mocha frappuccino! Yum!

2. What does your work station look like?

My bed, if I’m being completely honest.

3. All-time favorite food?

Any sort of pasta. Really. ANY.

4. Favorite author?

I’m more of a poetry reader so I’d have to say Atticus or Amanda Lovelace.

5. What do you think of open relationships?

As I’ve gotten older and experienced different things, I can see why someone would prefer it. I don’t think my complicated heart could ever handle it, but I don’t judge others who are in them!

6. What’s your favorite video game?

Mario Kart. 100%.

7. What’s your guilty pleasure treat?

Kit Kats. Anyone who knows me knows that.

8. Your favorite movie?

The entire Harry Potter series is my favorite. Pick any movie from it and I’d tell you it’s my favorite!

9. Favorite book?

Currently, it has to be This Star Won’t Go Out: The Life and Words of Esther Grace Earl, which is about the girl with terminal thyroid cancer who inspired John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars. It’s a must read for sure.

10. Best advice you’ve ever received?

After going through a hard breakup and feeling like I wasn’t worth anyone’s time, my grandma told me to yell “I am Megann Louise Rosecrans and I am valuable” whenever I was feeling down. It works wonders!

11. Twitter or Instagram?

Both? Can I say both?

12. Are you a desktop or a laptop person?

Laptop for sure. I’m way too fidgety for a desktop computer.

13. What projects are you working on right now?

I’m working on a bunch of things but I don’t want to spoil the surprises! Let’s just say… “big things coming.”

14. What’s your favorite color?

It used to be purple when I was little. Now it’s probably blue.

15. Did you get good grades in school?

A’s and B’s.

16. Dream job?

Making content online. Videos, blogs, etc.

17. Played any sports?

I was on a soccer team when I was little. And by “on a soccer team” I mean I owned the uniform. My shy self never played a second. I kept that bench HOT.

18. Do you have a degree?

We’re getting there, baby!

19. Nationality?

American.

20. What’s your favorite type of blog post to write?

Ones like these. Where I don’t wreck my brain over it.

21. What do you like to collect?

Carmex.

22. Describe yourself in three words.

Excessively Emotionally Attached.

23. If you were a rapper, what would your rapper name be?

Megann the Horse… is that funny?

24. Who was the last person you DM’d?

My best friend Shelby.

25. What’s on the top of your wish list right now?

Anything warm because my apartment is always like 30 degrees.

26. Sorting House?

Hufflepuff.

27. How many tattoos do you have?

I have 5 and I’ve planned my 6th and 7th already!

28. What are you most grateful for this year?

Being reintroduced to my faith.

29. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you this month?

I got to bring someone really special home to meet my parents. That was the first time I really “brought someone home” and it was nice.

30. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you today?

I took a long, hot shower and felt my body temperature return to normal. Maybe the blood in my veins thawed too. Then I got out and went back into my freezing cold room.

31. What’s the best thing ever?

Connecting with people.

32. Favorite season?

Fall. I can’t imagine it ever being anything else either.

33. Favorite holiday?

Thanksgiving!

34. What fictional character do you relate to the most?

I’ve never really thought about that before. Hmm… I have no clue!

35. Do you like surprises?

NOT AT ALL.

36. What’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had?

Probably where my life is now, if I’m being completely transparent. I never expected to even see 21, let alone have all this going for me if I did!

37. What’s the surprise that made you cry?

I don’t really cry when I’m surprised… I’m emotionless, I know.

38. What’s the best surprise you’ve ever given someone?

I suck at surprises. But maybe the surprise 18th birthday party I threw my sister this year!

39. Do you like muffins?

Only pumpkin muffins! Those are HEAVEN.

40. Do you cook often?

I never have the time or energy. I should probably force myself to more often!

41. What’s your favorite dessert?

I was just thinking about it today. Either a super chocolatey brownie (edge piece only) or a strawberry jello pretzel dessert!

42. Is there a dessert you dislike?

Cheesecake! Yuck!

43. Cake or pie?

Cake. Hands down!

44. What’s your least favorite food?

Any seafood other than calamari.

45. What’s your favorite condiment?

Ketchup or Mayo.

46. It’s 4 am on a Saturday night, what would you eat?

Probably donuts or chocolate pudding. Whatever I can get from the kitchen without waking up my roommates.

47. If you could teach a college class, what would it be called?

How to Bullshit Assignments 101.

48. Best animated film?

Finding Nemo.

49. What has a guy done or said to impress you?

After my experiences with guys, simple things like “I know whether to write a zero or one on my W2” is impressive to me. Yikes.

50. The best thing to do on a first date?

Hang out somewhere that’s moderately loud so there’s no awkward silence!

51. The worst thing to do on a first date?

Anything romantic. I get super uncomfortable!

52. What’s the funniest pick-up line a guy could use on a girl?

I used to have a friend who would send me pickup lines he used on girls and I died laughing at them but I can’t think of any right of hand!

53. Best comic book character?

I’ve never touched a comic book. I know. Sue me.

54. What are three things that are always in your purse?

Carmex, my apartment keys, and my wallet.

55. Favorite drink?

Starbucks pink drink.

56. If you could play a historical figure in a movie who would it be?

I think it would have to be my ginger queen, Lindsey Lohan.

57. Kittens or puppies?

Kittens. They’re cuddly little babies. I used to have a kitten who never wanted me to leave him or he’d cry. I had to have my sister babysit him while I ate because he’d just lay on my chest and try to bite whatever I brought toward my mouth!

58. Tell me your favorite sushi roll?

Sushi? YUCKKKKKKK!

59. What kind of lipstick do you use?

I’m not a big lipstick person but I used to use the L’Oréal Paris J-Lo lipstick in Jennifer’s Nude.

60. What kind of foundation do you use?

I opt for elf tinted moisturizer instead! Much lighter weight!

61. Blow dry or Air dry?

Air dry!

62. Who is your fashion icon?

Milena Ciciotti. I loooove her style!

63. Favorite Disney character?

Princess Ariel, my fellow redhead.

64. What are doing tomorrow?

Working on papers and projects that are due soon. The grind doesn’t stop!

65. A movie you laughed the hardest through?

C Me Dance. If you know, you know.

66. A movie that made you cry?

The Lion King (2019). I had never seen the first movie so the mix of shock and realism got me good.

67. If you could sing a duet with someone, who would it be?

Assuming I could sing in this alternate universe, I would love to sing with EDEN. He’s such a god.

68. If your life were a song, what would be the title?

Right now? Probably Better Than You Loved Me by Aaron Smith.

69. What’s your favorite animal?

There’s a ton. Right now my mind is telling my to say sloths. So, sloths.

70. Favorite illustrator?

Not a single clue.

71. A person you want to have coffee with?

My big-second-something Eric! We’ve never met in person, but he’s been like a big brother to me for years!

72. What country do you wish to visit?

I’ve always wanted to go to Australia!

73. Best way to decompress?

Watching Youtube movie commentaries in bed with Kit Kats and a strawberry daiquiri by my side. Sounds like a perfect stress reliever to me!

 

This was a lot of fun! A lot of these questions got my brain going to places I hadn’t really been to before!

If you want to participate in the tag, I TAG YOU! Just let me know if you complete it so I can see what your answers are! I’d love to see!

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

 

I Walked to End Suicide.

Earlier today I joined family, friends, and members of my community in walking to end the stigma around mental health and reduce the suicide rate by 25% by 2025. Roughly 1600 people were in attendance in Cleveland as we heard stories from survivors and families of those who lost their battle.

Suicide has impacted my life in so many different ways and I felt that this year I was ready to attend a walk and expose myself to others who come from similar experiences. When we arrived, I was amazed. I didn’t expect to feel so much overwhelming support and solidarity from everyone there.

Prior to walk day, those registered (and even some who had not registered) collected donations for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Together, we raised over $146,000 which was more than our targeted amount for the walk! One team alone collected $8,000 in donations!

At the walk, participants wore different colored beaded necklaces to represent why they walked. I did not originally plan on representing myself at this walk, but after walking around and seeing others doing the same, I gathered the courage to don a green beaded necklace. This symbolized my personal struggle with suicidal thoughts and mental health. I’m not one who likes to broadcast my struggles- especially in a society where it’s taken as a plea for attention. However, today felt like a day where I could be open about my struggles with mental health and not be judged or ashamed.

My team and I also sported buttons with the names of those we walked for. I was proud to carry the names of my loved ones close to my heart as I walked. Writing the several names down on the buttons and seeing the different names each person had on theirs was chilling. It was hard to process that so many people know of more than one person who lost their life to suicide.

Before we began walking throughout Cleveland, we heard the story of a widow who had lost her husband only a few short years ago. She talked about the time leading up to her husband’s passing as well as her adjustment afterward. Hearing her story was sobering.

I can list several people whose lives crossed paths with mine that have taken their own lives- friends, relatives, classmates, members of my community. It’s a painful reality that we are hoping to change each and every day.

Today I walked for those I knew.

Today I walked for myself.

Today I walked for anybody who needed or needs help getting out of the darkness.

I look forward to doing this walk again in the future and sharing more memories with the community of survivors and loved ones of those who have passed on.

I am still collecting donations to go toward the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention! If you would like to donate, click here!

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

On The Up & Up-date

Hey guys! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted anything on here so I’m checking in to let you all know I’m alive and well.

School’s been keeping me fairly busy. Everyday I’ve got some sort of assignment whether it be a lengthy paper, an online lecture, or reading. I won’t lie though. I’ve had several opportunities to sit down and write this update for you guys, but whenever I went to write something, I got exhausted and needed a nap. I mean, I’m running on barely 5 hours of sleep everyday so do you blame me?

Anyway, school’s been really good so far. I’m currently Team Straight A’s, which is something I’m going to flex until I can’t anymore… because I totally deserve it. I’ve been bringing home 100% quizzes and exams weekly. Don’t ask me how… I haven’t figured that part out yet to be honest with you.

Since I’ve gotten back to school I’ve gotten to catch up with so many friends from last year and I’ve felt my heart grow bigger and bigger. I never realized how much I missed them until I got to see them again and I didn’t want to ever say goodbye to them. I’ve also made a bunch of new friends that I can already see being in my wedding (if there ever is one lol). So I guess my sociability has really expanded since I moved back.

I know you guys know I went through some shit a month ago and was in a really dark place, so I wanted to touch on that real quick (again).

I’m doing so well it’s almost scary. I feel so much more power, confidence, and happiness now. I’ve been doing live streams on Instagram every Sunday where I talk about my trials and tribulations and offer advice and understanding to those who need it. Since I started doing the streams, I’ve gotten so many messages from people who have been going through their own battles. I promised myself that my pain wouldn’t be in vain and that I would use my voice to help others going through things too. Let me tell you- it has been the biggest reward. I’m still working on finding the perfect time to do live streams so that the most people can watch them live, but as of right now I go live at 6 pm EST and it hasn’t been so bad. If you’re interested in watching, set an alarm and be ready with popcorn tomorrow when we talk about confidence!

I’m so excited to bring new content to this blog and solidify what I want this website to be. I know I’ve been really wishy washy about my content and that’s not cool so I’m making it a goal of mine to get my act together and decide on what I’m going to do. I have a lot of things planned, but I want to really think every little move out before I execute it now. In the meantime, check out some of my older posts and let me know what you like best!

I’ve taken a lot of my online presence over to Instagram and Twitter so make sure to follow me on there to keep up to date on things like my livestreams and personal goals!

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

 

I’m Better Now | Yet Another Update

As most of you probably know by now, I’ve really been going through it this past month or so. Lots has gone on that’s forced me to make massive changes in my life and ultimately turn into a completely different version of myself. I went through a break-up, a move, health concerns, friend drama, my first week of classes, and a lot of little things that started adding up.

Through all of those changes and bumps in the road, there was one thing that kept me grounded. One thing that stayed no matter who/what left- me. Out of all of the mantras of love and happiness that were preached to me through it all, the hugs and open hearts, knowing that I was still here for me was what kept me going.

I had to prove to myself that I have what it takes to make changes in my life that can be beneficial for me. I relied so heavily on other people to give me what I wanted and needed. At the time I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I felt comfortable and secure with where I was at. But now, looking back at who I was even a month ago disgusts me. I wasn’t doing anything for myself. I didn’t want to better myself unless someone else took that first step for me.

A part of me hates admitting that… especially online to people who build their opinions of me on what I say and do on this website. But admitting it is liberating in a way too. Being able to say that that’s who I was and not who I am feels really good. I know a lot of close friends and family were genuinely concerned about me. That added pressure dragged me down a lot. However, I knew that doing what I needed to do for myself would serve as reassurance for both myself and those around me. Since I started hitting my roadbumps, I’ve accomplished a lot. I reserve the right to brag a little since I was able to escape the rut I was in for so long.

I’ve been MIA for a while on here and so I haven’t been able to share my successes with you guys and it’s sucked. I’ve wanted so badly to hop on here and tell you all what I’ve been up to, but I feared that the second I shared it, it would all go away. But now I’m fairly confident that the work I’ve put in so far has put me in a safe spot.

I’m doing really well in my classes and I’ve already made a few of those “we’re-in-the-same-class-so-we’ll-be-friends-for-the-semester” friends. My instructors are alright, I suppose. One of them is already the kind of instructor I wish all of them were- relatable. He likes the same types of music as me and makes my kinds of jokes. I expect a lot of great things from his classes I’m taking.

In the love life department, I’m just doing me. I love myself more than I have ever loved myself. I feel confident and independent, and I’ve been trusting myself to make the best decisions possible. I have definitely met a few guys who have drawn my interest, but I’m not ready to devote myself to anyone other than me right now. I’m so happy with my life the way it is. If I do, however, find someone that I feel I cannot live without, I’ll be careful. Then again, I may not have to be. Now I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. I’ve learned what I love about love and what I don’t care for. I guess you could say I narrowed down the search. But again, this will all be in due time.

I have some big things in the works that I’m not ready to announce yet, but as soon as things are set in stone, I’ll be announcing it everywhere like it’s my job (I guess it sort of is)!

Finally, thank you to everyone for the support on my last post. I miss you guys and I might just be ready to come back!

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quick Update

Hi guys!

I’m not even formatting this like a typical post because I just wanted to stop in and let everyone know the latest.

I’ve gotten a lot of nice messages from people with advice, motivation, and support lately and I wanted to thank everyone for reaching out. You guys have no idea how special you all made me feel.

I’m all moved into my new apartment and I just wrapped up my first week of school for the semester. I’ve made some really cool friends already and gotten to reconnect with some from last year. Overall I’ve been feeling really great. I think moving out again helped a lot with my emotions. I still have some rough moments but it’s all internal conflict and nothing that I’m too worried about.

Again, thank you guys for reaching out with love and support. I’m so lucky to have a platform that attracts such loving people!

I’m still considering myself to be on a brief hiatus, but I’ll be back before you know it! I can’t wait to write about everything I’ve been up to while I’ve been gone!

Love you guys!

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

How Do I Get Through A Painful Break-up?

Asking for a friend… but not really.

As some of you may have seen, I had written a piece about how I was coping with an excrutiating break-up. I didn’t know which way was up anymore. I was clinging onto the idea of something that was so far gone it was laughable. I later read through the post and after speaking to some friends and family (and my ex), I decided that the post, however honest, did more harm than good. So in less than 24 hours, the post was removed. Although I am very puzzled about the behavior of my ex and the recent events that have taken place, I still have the utmost respect for him; especially online.

However, I did say in that post that when I signed up to be a blogger, I pretty much signed up to share some of my personal experiences and emotions with everyone. Everyone who has told me what a beautiful couple we were deserves to know that it’s over. As much as I hate to write a post talking about my break-up and the hell I’ve been going through, I have hope that it will reach someone who is going through the same thing to show that everyone goes through it at some point and it’s ok to grieve in a different way than most do.

I, for one, had no idea where to start. This was my longest relationship (nearing 2 years) so I had never been so attached and comfortable with someone before. To shut off that part of my brain that was so used to talking everyday and cuddling every night was a huge request. I felt myself being backed into a corner where no matter what I did, I was going to lose. So something in me told me to go down fighting. I said things I shouldn’t have, and did things that were out of character for me. Again, let me remind everyone that people go through break-ups in different ways. I happened to live in a state of panic for weeks. Panic about my future, about having to tell other people, about the embarrassment of a failed relationship (yeah I was embarrassed. So stupid, right?!).

There were days where I lashed out at my family, friends, and ex because of my inability to process my emotions. It was like every second there was a new thought in my head that triggered a new feeling. My mind was working against me. I think the best time I’ve been able to describe that feeling was yesterday when I spoke to my dad on the phone. I told him I recognized my emotions were not my own. I felt like someone had taken over and I clocked out. Anything I said, did, or felt was purely out of my control. Maybe nobody will understand that and you’ll think I’m crazy, but it was just like going into autopilot to cope. The only difference is if this was a plane, we would have crashed.

I’m a very emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I love, I love hard. I jump the gun sometimes, but either way, the feelings are there. The worst part of that (and something I hope to change) is that I devote all my time and energy into my relationship. I’m constantly thinking about this person and what I can do to show them I love them. Thinking about them and having them in my life is an addiction. So when I get blindsided, I have to force myself to stop thinking that way. I still haven’t gotten to that point yet if I’m being honest. I still think about “my bub” and how I would kill for some more time with him. He would always tell me about how the bridge of my nose was cold so I still touch my nose and think about how sweet and innocent those moments were. But I’m taking baby steps.

My friend David put it perfectly. He said that he was my drug. Now whenever I think about texting or calling him to beg like a loser, I’m relapsing. So I finally, after weeks of making an utter fool of myself, decided to quit cold turkey. No contact. It’s time to focus on me and all the goals I’ve ever had for myself. It was the kick in the ass that I needed.

To get a little deep here, I’m worried about myself. I’ve spent nearly two years recieving attention, happiness, love, and understanding from someone special and now I have to learn how to give that to myself. I started dating this person when I was 19. I was still new to college life and being an adult, so I was still growing. Now I’m 21. I grew along side him and figured out life with him in it. I guess I just feel like I took two steps back because now I have to figure out all of this stuff about myself again, just without him. Again, maybe what I’m saying won’t make sense to anyone since we handle things differently, but I’m trying to be transparent here.

I know I’ll get through this because I’ve gotten through far worse. I never made it out 100% like I was before, but that’s the point, right? Pain teaches a lesson. I’m ready to see what the world has in store for me. I’m already finding the motivation to do so much for myself that I usually dismissed. This could be my time to shine. I’m just frightened over the time and effort it will take to get to that point.

I absolutely love that man with every inch of my being. My friends and family say I shouldn’t say that anymore. Some say I shouldn’t even love him anymore. But I know that my love for him will never go away. It may change, but it will always- ALWAYS- be there. He was my best friend and partner in crime for so long. He listened to me whenever I was upset, held me when I felt I was falling apart, and put me back on track when I was losing sight of things. He knew about my faults and still chose to love me. If I could say anything to him, it would be thank you. He helped me feel like I was beautiful and special, even if I lost that feeling when he left. In the time that we were together, I gained so much confidence in myself that I could not have found without him and his constant reassurance. It helped me with a lot like my first apartment by myself, my first year away from my family, my first full year of college, etc.

I refuse to bash him. We weren’t perfect for each other and we both made mistakes that hurt the other person, but he was my favorite person for two years. He was my protector, caretaker, lover, best friend, and so much more. Even though I’ve messed up a lot recently with how I’ve gone about things, I don’t think it’s fair anymore to put him down.

It feels good to speak highly of him… to be able to say I was lucky enough to fall in love with someone like him makes me happy. But for the time being, there will be no more posts about my break-up or anything about my ex.

I will most likely be taking a break from writing while I get myself out of a dark place, and I hope everyone understands. I may come back on occasion for updates or if I feel like I’m at a good spot at that time. Otherwise, I will be gone.

If you want to keep tabs on me and make sure I’m not losing my head, follow me on Instagram and Twitter (@_megannlouise_) for the latest updates on my life.

I also have a Facebook page which I will try to use more often now. To like the page, click here.

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

 

My August Goals

We’re a few days into August and it’s time to manifest some goals. I feel like there’s no better month for these goals to come to fruition than my birth-month (btw, today’s my 21st birthday), so let’s all cross our fingers that some miracles happen!

August is a busy month for me for sure. I turn 21, move to a new apartment, and start another semester of college all within a matter of days. I’ll barely get a chance to take a breath until September rolls around! But with so many things going on come so many chances to open doors for myself. Let’s get into my goals for this month.

Firstly, I want to restyle my wardrobe. My taste has changed a lot since I’ve really got shopping so a lot of my clothes are just not cutting it for me anymore. I really want to go through everything I own before I move to my new apartment. I’d love to donate a ton of my clothes because they’re all wearable. I might sell some others to be able to replentish my closet.

I want to have a good birthday. I only turn 21 once, right? I’m not big on drinking so I probably won’t be blacking out or anything, but I love using birthdays as an excuse to have an over-the-top good time with friends and family.

Another goal for the month is to create a safe place in my new apartment. I’ll be sharing the apartment with three other girls so I already expect my room to be my number one place to go whenever I’m there. I want my bedroom to be cozy and welcoming as soon as you walk in, so hopefully I’ll be able to pull it off. I’m really big into creams, whites, and pinks so I’m really tying those into my room. I’ve already gotten a lot of what I need for my room so I have a good idea of how everything is going to look. I’m super excited to see the end result though since I’m so into interior decorating!

I start school in a couple weeks so I’m hoping to start the semester off well. I miss campus a lot and all the friends I made last year. I hope to feel my life fall into place once I’m in my classes and studying what I love.

This month I also want to grow my blog and social media. I’m finally starting to look at my social media as a business more than a personal account. I want to start incorporating my blog into my different social media more and building off of what I’ve already started. I’ve also been wanting to start posting on my Youtube channel for real. I posted one video, cringed a day later, then deleted it and pretended it never happened. Once I’m all moved in at my new place I want to try all that again.

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

 

 

 

Reflecting on Two Years Post-Highschool| What I Learned, Experienced, and Became

Yesterday my sister graduated high school. I watched her walk across the stage with her honors tassel, get her diploma from our dad (the School Board President) and toss her cap in the air with the rest of her small class. It was weird thinking that she’s grown up now. Just two years ago, I was the one graduating and she was still learning how to be a student, not an adult.

It really had me reflecting on what all has happened to me in the past two years since I received my diploma. I’ve learned a lot in those two short years and it has shaped me into a completely different person. So what has happened?

1. I  got my first job.

I wrote about this before, but I worked for the Boys and Girls Club Association in my hometown. I got to work with kids, which I absolutely love. Teaching them and showing them that not everyone is a bad guy was amazing. Being a role model to kids who not always had the best home lives is rewarding in and of itself, but getting paid to do it made it even better. I met so many different people who loved helping children and it was inspiring. At the time, I was an early childhood education major so it was a great experience for me.

2. I quit my first job.

28467718_1824214790972826_372995652504455155_n

Damn right I did. Five months later and I was out of that hell hole. To this day, I miss my little kiddos that never failed to put a smile on my face. But the other employees from top to bottom were not the crowd for me. After a while, I learned that I had to do what was best for myself and I turned in my resignation. I remember telling the kids I was leaving. It was torture. But now I’m out of a toxic workplace and I’m feeling so much better. No job is worth my sanity, dignity, and time.

3. I fell in love.

ACS_0022

I fell in love with my best friend almost instantly. We met 10 months before we started dating. I had graduated high school already and he was at the beginning of his senior year. My friends and I supported him at every Friday night football game. We slowly got closer and closer and then we started dating.  When we started dating I felt something different about him. You know how kids feel safe whenever they have a certain teddy bear or blanket with them? He’s my teddy bear/blanket. He’s helped me come out of my shell a lot. I’ve been much better with my anxiety since he’s been there to help me. I’ve never met someone so patient and kind. He really is the best boyfriend ever- although I might be a bit biased- and I love him more and more each day.

4. I went to college.

In the fall after I graduated high school I attended a community college but it just wasn’t for me. I was looking into switching majors and they didn’t have my major, so I made the switch to a bigger university. It was the best decision of my life. I was so much happier. I took a semester off between schools to recalibrate and dedicate more time to that job I mentioned earlier. Once I got to move out on my own and get out of my suffocating hometown, I flourished. I made new friends, learned new things about myself, and got to grow into who I was supposed to be. Being in a big city was super different but with the help of my boyfriend and my new friends, it was manageable.

5. I made the Dean’s List.

After a stressful semester and a lot of hard work, I made the Dean’s list in the spring. I surprised myself with that one. I got roughly 28 hours of sleep a week and the only thing keeping me awake most days was coffee. I was constantly studying or planning time to study. It was an endless cycle of stress for me so getting the news that I made the Dean’s list was really rewarding. Now that I’ve found a major that I like, I’m excited to see how it impacts my grades in the future.


After thinking about all the things that went on after graduation, I’ve thought of a lot of advice I would give people in the position I was in two years ago. I know a lot of it is cliche but I genuinely mean every word I say. If even one piece of advice helps one person, all this Hallmark channel bullshit will be worth it.

1. Don’t let other people influence you.

I did this a lot in high school and once I was out, I realized how much control I really had over my life that I had never known before. When you’re chasing the trends or following the crowds, it’s easy to lose control of yourself without noticing it. Use this time to sit down by yourself and make a loose plan for the future. Don’t let yourself think one time about other people’s plans or interests. Think about where you want to be in five years, ten years, etc. Make it your goal to get there.

2. Make memories

Don’t let anything stop you from enjoying these years of your life while they last. Eventually you won’t be able to do these things anymore. The life you live now is what the younger you dreamt of, so you have to make it something he/she would be proud of. The life you’ll live in 10 or 20 plus years will not be like how it is now, I promise you. Make the best of life now so you can look back at it and say you lived it right.

3. Don’t dwell.

Guilty as charged. But please, whatever you do, don’t dwell on the negatives. Bad things happen to everyone. But the way you recover from them says more about you. Don’t waste your time thinking about the bad things that have happened to you in the past. Spend your time making sure the good things are coming your way. We always remember all the little things that go wrong instead of the little things that go right. We need to fix that.

4. Be open to change.

You have to realize that you won’t be the same person forever. The environment around you will change, your friends and family will change, you will change. Be open to it. Be welcoming to change. I had to teach myself that growing up and achieving my goals required alterations to my life. It was hard at first and I was definitely guarded. With time it got easier and now I cross my fingers every day hoping for more changes because that means I’m one step closer to being the best version of myself.

5. Travel.

A county over, a state over, a country over- who cares? Just travel. Meet new people and visit new places. Remind yourself that this world is bigger than your hometown. You could end up anywhere in the future and that’s really helped me open up my eyes. I didn’t go too far from home, but it was just far enough to give me a taste of diversity.

6. Love with your whole heart.

No half-assed love here. If you love someone, prove it. Nobody is required to stay in your life forever. You need to show them what they mean to you. Give them attention, support, and stability. And if you aren’t willing to do that, let them go. Don’t be selfish. Love wholeheartedly or not at all.

7. Leave your judgment behind.

If you think you can leave high school and keep being a judgmental prick, you have another thing coming. It’s not cool dude. I was that person who judged every book by its cover. Once I went off to college I got to know people for who they really were- their interests, stories, and personalities. Life outside of high school isn’t cliquey and I don’t think I want that to change. So don’t bring that shit into the real world, please and thank you.

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

 

 

 

Let Me Update Ya

I figured it was about time to update everyone on my schooling and other things going on. I finished the semester up last Wednesday and most of my final grades seem to be in (although there’s a couple classes that will definitely wait until the day final grades are due to release them).

After a long semester, I got a 99% on my math final which gave me an A in the class. In one of my history classes, I got 100% on my final and managed to get a final grade of an A in the class. After cramming for my bio exam only 5 hours before the exam (typical meg fashion) I got an 87% and ended the semester with an A in the class. Although I never took a real exam for my communication class, I ended the semester with a B. Taking my intro to com class online was a disadvantage to me for a few reasons- tech difficulties being one. I missed a few assignments due to wifi slip-ups and computer crashes, but I’m still happy I was able to mostly make up for them at the end of the semester. My Middle Eastern History and Bio lab final grades are not in yet and I expect that they won’t be for a while, so I can’t really determine what my GPA will be just yet.

I’m moving out of my apartment on Wednesday and heading back to my hometown for the summer. Next fall I’ll be moving into an apartment much closer to campus so I guess leaving the place I’ve called my second home for the past nine months will be worth it. It’s still going to be really hard to say goodbye to my bigger bedroom and own kitchen though. I’m really grateful for the opportunities this year has given me. I’ve gotten to live alone, and who knows if I’ll ever get to do that again?

I’m looking into getting a job this summer after I get a bit of time to settle back in at home. I’d like to be working a lot to save up for rent, groceries, etc. once school starts back up. So before I really start looking around for work, I’m hoping to spend lots of time with my friends while I can.

That being said, in my free time I plan to be writing a bit more. It’s been really weird not writing. I’ve had quite a few impulses to start writing but I didn’t want to start posting if I was just going to stop abruptly again due to school. But now I have a few months to get myself together and write a little more. I’ve got some ideas for the future of this site and I’m hoping to implement them this summer.

Thank you to everyone who supported me when I took a semester off last year and when I went back to school in the fall. Everyone’s kind words and well wishes these past nine months have been really appreciated. I’m super excited to go back in the fall (I know, who says that?!) and explore my major even further.

Also, I’ve changed my update schedule to every Monday at noon, so keep an eye out for my new posts!

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

Why I No Longer Use Plastic Straws

Last year I was given the opportunity to get a reusable straw for less than 50 cents after a coupon was given to me on an online site. That’s when I started my research into reusable straws and why they are all the talk. What I learned was crazy. Here are some quick facts that I learned when looking into the importance of reusable straws.

  • It is impossible to recycle straws.
  • The U.S. uses 500 million straws a day!
  • Scientists predict that by the year 2050, there will be more plastic than fish in the oceans.
  • Americans use straws at an average rate of 1.6 per day.

Think about the last time you used a plastic straw. Where did it go when you were done with it? I bet you didn’t bat an eye when you threw your straw in the garbage. Most people don’t. They just carry on with their day. I’ll be honest… that was me.

Strawless Lids

Many businesses have made alterations to their policies to enforce the straw-free lifestyle. Starbucks, for example, pledged to entirely remove plastic straws from their locations by the year 2020. They plan to replace straws with recyclable lids (pictured left). They also sell hard plastic cups that you can ask your order to be served in. You can bring those cups back and get all your future orders served in them as well.

I also noticed that my university has banned the distribution of plastic straws as well. It was super exciting to see the movement expand to my university of roughly 17,000 students.

Let’s do the math real quick.

1.6 straws used a day  x   17,000 students =   27,200 straws prevented from entering our environment!

If every student at my university adjusted to the strawless lifestyle for only a day, we could prevent 27,200 straws from getting into our environment!  And that’s just at my school. Do the math for your school and see how many straws your campus would eliminate if they converted!

When I pull my straw out of my purse or backpack, I get a lot of mixed reactions from those around me. I’ve had friends laugh at me and say I’m ridiculous. I’ve also had friends who encourage me and ask where they can get their own straws. It feels good to know that although I am only one person, I am making a huge impact on the people and environment around me.

I have two different styles of straws. I preferred stainless steel over paper, but that was just my choice. If you’re into paper straws, GO FOR IT! At the end of this article, I linked the straws that I use so you can purchase your own and get started on making the change!

The style that I was interested in first was the collapsible stainless steel straw with a hard case. It was really easy to throw in my backpack before school and it’s even attachable to a keychain. I found a better quality version of the one I have on Amazon and I decided to link that one rather than the one I have because there were some issues with mine when I got it. This type of straw is great for drinks with more of a watery consistency because the rubber inside makes it hard for thicker drinks to travel through. So if you’re one who is constantly on the go and drinking water, pop, or juice, check this straw out!

I also own stainless steel straws that are not collapsible, but they came in a pack of four with two different styles- bent and straight. These straws also came with a carrier, however, this one is made of cotton. They’re great for tumbler cups or Starbucks drinks if you’re one of those whose lives just won’t go on without a straw in their frappuccino. These straws come in packs of 4 and packs of 8, so you don’t need to wash one before using another. Each pack comes with at least one cleaning brush (depending on the pack you purchase).

If you STILL think adjusting your straw habits won’t make a change, watch this TEDx Talk by Rachel Lincoln Sarnoff.

SOURCES:

http://www.thelastplasticstraw.org

http://www.nrdc.org

http://news.starbucks.com

 

GET YOUR OWN STRAWS:

Collapsible Straw

Rainbow Straws

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22

 

5 Things I Learned When I Redirected My Focus to My Blog

Another year has come to a close so that means another year of MegannLouise.com has come and gone. 2018 was an eventful year for this site. Toward the end of the year, I took the bull by the horns (sorry PETA) and focused more time on writing.

When I started writing for MegannLouise.com, I had no intention of posting regularly. I just wanted a platform for me to post my work when I did write. And for roughly 75% of the time I’ve had this site, that’s exactly what I did. But now I dedicate time out of my day to work on new content. In doing this, I learned a lot about myself as a writer, creator, and individual. I know that sounds extremely corny. I’m sorry. But here’s the top 5 things I learned after I focused on my blog this year.

1. Writing isn’t always easy. And writer’s block is real.

There have been days where I’ve spent hours just trying to write an introduction or even come up with a topic. Since I’ve been writing for a long time, I know my style and whenever my brain fails me and I don’t do my best work, I get upset. I’ve spent entire days working on posts before, arguing with myself over wording or formatting. At the end of it all, I’ve felt defeated when I give in and post whatever I came up with even when I wasn’t happy with it.

And here’s the thing- writer’s block happens. It can kick your ass at the worst times but that’s how it goes. I had to learn to roll with the punches and give myself breaks while writing to recoup. Sometimes nothing would pop into my head for days or even weeks. It wasn’t pretty. I would usually go into a dark place whenever that happened. It’s pretty devastating to fall into a place where doing what you love takes a brutal toll on you. But like I said- it happens. I just had to accept that and work with what I had.

2. Writing ahead of time saves my sanity.

To piggy-back off the last point, my self-deprecation took up so much of my time and made it almost impossible for me to crank out content like I wanted. I eventually mustered up the ability to “mass produce” posts. I would write three or four posts in a day and schedule them for later dates so I wouldn’t have to worry about them the day I needed something to go up. This helped a lot during Blogmas since I had to have a post up every single day for almost two weeks. I think the best part about writing in bulk is that I can pump out a lot of content whenever I’m feeling really creative, and relax on the days where I can’t come up with anything.

3. Quality over quantity.

This one was a hard pill to swallow. Once I found time and motivation to write, I wanted to keep writing and create an arsenal of posts stocked up for scheduled posting. However, during Blogmas I realized that the short posts that didn’t take as much effort weren’t as good as the longer ones that I put more of my heart into. It took a lot out of me to know that although I was getting these posts done early, they weren’t as good as they could have been if I worked a little harder and didn’t spread myself thin.

Now I look at it as a reader instead of a writer. What would I want to read? What would I think if someone posted something like this? Would I continue to read their work?

4. It takes determination.

No successful blogger made it where they are now without determination. Slacking isn’t an option. Consistency is really important- just as important as content. Sure, breaks are great for the mind and can lead to better content, but disappearing for large chunks of time really doesn’t work. It leaves everyone wondering where you are and if you really take writing seriously. Trust me, I’ve been there. I had no motivation for this site and it ruined the great path I had made for myself. I had to almost completely start over.

5. This is a community.

I had to repeatedly remind myself that people actually read this. When I write, deep down I know that people will read it but I sometimes forget about it and throw all caution to the wind. So it’s freaky for a second when I get to meet people who read my blog and they bring up something that I forgot I wrote about. I’m always like, “HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!” and then it freaks them out. Sometimes I really feel like I’m writing in my diary.

I found myself heavily relying on my blog to write about my feelings. This is still true at times today. I always say that I try to remain open with my readers, and although it’s hard, it’s extremely empowering at times too. When I feel like my voice does not matter, I come here and I feel heard. I can be happy, sad, or just not myself and I know I have a community here who is willing to listen.

With that, I also had to learn how to censor myself. Although I believe it is crucial to be open with your readers, a line has to be drawn. I used to be far too open and it would ultimately backfire on me. Sometimes I post about something and look back at it later in regret. Now I have to use my better judgment whenever I write about something personal. It’s hard to hold back on occasions, but it’s for the best.

Untitled_Artwork 2

 

Blank YouTube Display Ad -18Blank YouTube Display Ad -19Blank YouTube Display Ad -20Blank YouTube Display Ad -21Blank YouTube Display Ad -22