On The Up & Up-date

Hey guys! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted anything on here so I’m checking in to let you all know I’m alive and well.

School’s been keeping me fairly busy. Everyday I’ve got some sort of assignment whether it be a lengthy paper, an online lecture, or reading. I won’t lie though. I’ve had several opportunities to sit down and write this update for you guys, but whenever I went to write something, I got exhausted and needed a nap. I mean, I’m running on barely 5 hours of sleep everyday so do you blame me?

Anyway, school’s been really good so far. I’m currently Team Straight A’s, which is something I’m going to flex until I can’t anymore… because I totally deserve it. I’ve been bringing home 100% quizzes and exams weekly. Don’t ask me how… I haven’t figured that part out yet to be honest with you.

Since I’ve gotten back to school I’ve gotten to catch up with so many friends from last year and I’ve felt my heart grow bigger and bigger. I never realized how much I missed them until I got to see them again and I didn’t want to ever say goodbye to them. I’ve also made a bunch of new friends that I can already see being in my wedding (if there ever is one lol). So I guess my sociability has really expanded since I moved back.

I know you guys know I went through some shit a month ago and was in a really dark place, so I wanted to touch on that real quick (again).

I’m doing so well it’s almost scary. I feel so much more power, confidence, and happiness now. I’ve been doing live streams on Instagram every Sunday where I talk about my trials and tribulations and offer advice and understanding to those who need it. Since I started doing the streams, I’ve gotten so many messages from people who have been going through their own battles. I promised myself that my pain wouldn’t be in vain and that I would use my voice to help others going through things too. Let me tell you- it has been the biggest reward. I’m still working on finding the perfect time to do live streams so that the most people can watch them live, but as of right now I go live at 6 pm EST and it hasn’t been so bad. If you’re interested in watching, set an alarm and be ready with popcorn tomorrow when we talk about confidence!

I’m so excited to bring new content to this blog and solidify what I want this website to be. I know I’ve been really wishy washy about my content and that’s not cool so I’m making it a goal of mine to get my act together and decide on what I’m going to do. I have a lot of things planned, but I want to really think every little move out before I execute it now. In the meantime, check out some of my older posts and let me know what you like best!

I’ve taken a lot of my online presence over to Instagram and Twitter so make sure to follow me on there to keep up to date on things like my livestreams and personal goals!

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How Do I Get Through A Painful Break-up?

Asking for a friend… but not really.

As some of you may have seen, I had written a piece about how I was coping with an excrutiating break-up. I didn’t know which way was up anymore. I was clinging onto the idea of something that was so far gone it was laughable. I later read through the post and after speaking to some friends and family (and my ex), I decided that the post, however honest, did more harm than good. So in less than 24 hours, the post was removed. Although I am very puzzled about the behavior of my ex and the recent events that have taken place, I still have the utmost respect for him; especially online.

However, I did say in that post that when I signed up to be a blogger, I pretty much signed up to share some of my personal experiences and emotions with everyone. Everyone who has told me what a beautiful couple we were deserves to know that it’s over. As much as I hate to write a post talking about my break-up and the hell I’ve been going through, I have hope that it will reach someone who is going through the same thing to show that everyone goes through it at some point and it’s ok to grieve in a different way than most do.

I, for one, had no idea where to start. This was my longest relationship (nearing 2 years) so I had never been so attached and comfortable with someone before. To shut off that part of my brain that was so used to talking everyday and cuddling every night was a huge request. I felt myself being backed into a corner where no matter what I did, I was going to lose. So something in me told me to go down fighting. I said things I shouldn’t have, and did things that were out of character for me. Again, let me remind everyone that people go through break-ups in different ways. I happened to live in a state of panic for weeks. Panic about my future, about having to tell other people, about the embarrassment of a failed relationship (yeah I was embarrassed. So stupid, right?!).

There were days where I lashed out at my family, friends, and ex because of my inability to process my emotions. It was like every second there was a new thought in my head that triggered a new feeling. My mind was working against me. I think the best time I’ve been able to describe that feeling was yesterday when I spoke to my dad on the phone. I told him I recognized my emotions were not my own. I felt like someone had taken over and I clocked out. Anything I said, did, or felt was purely out of my control. Maybe nobody will understand that and you’ll think I’m crazy, but it was just like going into autopilot to cope. The only difference is if this was a plane, we would have crashed.

I’m a very emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I love, I love hard. I jump the gun sometimes, but either way, the feelings are there. The worst part of that (and something I hope to change) is that I devote all my time and energy into my relationship. I’m constantly thinking about this person and what I can do to show them I love them. Thinking about them and having them in my life is an addiction. So when I get blindsided, I have to force myself to stop thinking that way. I still haven’t gotten to that point yet if I’m being honest. I still think about “my bub” and how I would kill for some more time with him. He would always tell me about how the bridge of my nose was cold so I still touch my nose and think about how sweet and innocent those moments were. But I’m taking baby steps.

My friend David put it perfectly. He said that he was my drug. Now whenever I think about texting or calling him to beg like a loser, I’m relapsing. So I finally, after weeks of making an utter fool of myself, decided to quit cold turkey. No contact. It’s time to focus on me and all the goals I’ve ever had for myself. It was the kick in the ass that I needed.

To get a little deep here, I’m worried about myself. I’ve spent nearly two years recieving attention, happiness, love, and understanding from someone special and now I have to learn how to give that to myself. I started dating this person when I was 19. I was still new to college life and being an adult, so I was still growing. Now I’m 21. I grew along side him and figured out life with him in it. I guess I just feel like I took two steps back because now I have to figure out all of this stuff about myself again, just without him. Again, maybe what I’m saying won’t make sense to anyone since we handle things differently, but I’m trying to be transparent here.

I know I’ll get through this because I’ve gotten through far worse. I never made it out 100% like I was before, but that’s the point, right? Pain teaches a lesson. I’m ready to see what the world has in store for me. I’m already finding the motivation to do so much for myself that I usually dismissed. This could be my time to shine. I’m just frightened over the time and effort it will take to get to that point.

I absolutely love that man with every inch of my being. My friends and family say I shouldn’t say that anymore. Some say I shouldn’t even love him anymore. But I know that my love for him will never go away. It may change, but it will always- ALWAYS- be there. He was my best friend and partner in crime for so long. He listened to me whenever I was upset, held me when I felt I was falling apart, and put me back on track when I was losing sight of things. He knew about my faults and still chose to love me. If I could say anything to him, it would be thank you. He helped me feel like I was beautiful and special, even if I lost that feeling when he left. In the time that we were together, I gained so much confidence in myself that I could not have found without him and his constant reassurance. It helped me with a lot like my first apartment by myself, my first year away from my family, my first full year of college, etc.

I refuse to bash him. We weren’t perfect for each other and we both made mistakes that hurt the other person, but he was my favorite person for two years. He was my protector, caretaker, lover, best friend, and so much more. Even though I’ve messed up a lot recently with how I’ve gone about things, I don’t think it’s fair anymore to put him down.

It feels good to speak highly of him… to be able to say I was lucky enough to fall in love with someone like him makes me happy. But for the time being, there will be no more posts about my break-up or anything about my ex.

I will most likely be taking a break from writing while I get myself out of a dark place, and I hope everyone understands. I may come back on occasion for updates or if I feel like I’m at a good spot at that time. Otherwise, I will be gone.

If you want to keep tabs on me and make sure I’m not losing my head, follow me on Instagram and Twitter (@_megannlouise_) for the latest updates on my life.

I also have a Facebook page which I will try to use more often now. To like the page, click here.

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Getting Relationship Advice From My Instagram Followers

I hope everyone is having a relaxing Memorial Day. Before I get into this week’s post, I want to thank those who lost their lives defending our country. Your sacrifice does not go unnoticed.

This morning I honored my community’s fallen soldiers with others who wanted to share their respects. I ask that while you are enjoying your hotdogs, cold beers, and three day weekend, you remember the meaning behind this day.


Let’s admit it, being in a relationship is fun… for the most part. Sometimes things can go a little haywire, but the overall fulfillment of being with the person you love makes up for it all. Unless you think you have it all figured out, I’m sure you’ve asked some people for some advice regarding your love life.

The other day, I took to Instagram to ask my followers for their help.

I asked 4 questions to my followers on my Instagram story, and within minutes I had an immense collection of answers from people. It was refreshing to see how many people wanted to offer up their own advice to strangers who may need to hear it.

First, I asked everybody how old they were. Here are the results:

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Next, I asked what their current relationship status was.

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Following that question, I asked how long their latest relationship lasted.

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Finally, I asked everyone what their advice was for others who are trying to have a happy and healthy relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I did get a good mix of both male and female participants in this survey, so this advice is coming from both sides. I really am super grateful for everyone who offered up their tips to help others. Whether these were learned from first-hand experience or not, I don’t know, but I appreciate all of the kind words nonetheless.

I don’t know if you guys notice the same pattern I do, but it looks to me as if communication is really important in a relationship.

I had this whole thing written out with my perspective of all the advice, but I didn’t want this to be me giving advice and no matter which way I spun it, it sounded like I was force feeding my advice to you. I wanted these tips to come from other people who don’t necessarily have other ways to share them with you. So instead of writing out a long summarization of all the advice and data collected, I’ll just say thank you to everyone who contributed, and I hope that their advice can help anyone who needed to hear it.

Follow me on Instagram to participate in future surveys. I also like to ask for opinions on things going on in my life and share my current playlist with my followers. Links to my socials are on the right sidebar!

I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day! See you next week!

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