In honor of my 22nd birthday being just 2 days away (lots of 2’s… my favorite number), I wanted to share a letter to myself that I wrote while in a weird spot during quarantine. I really wanted to reflect on the last year and all it gave to me.
Hey Meg, let’s talk.
This next year is going to be monumental for you. It is going to be the time of so much growth for you. I promise you that who you are now is not who you will be in just a few weeks. Then every day after that, you’ll change again. Growing pains come along with that, but it’s nothing you can’t handle.
This is harsh, but the people in your life now will not be as important to you as they are now. You guys will all be transforming into new people and a couple friendships will be outgrown. That’s ok though. You’ll survive. You’re going to get your heart broken big time, then a few more times spiradically. But I promise you that every person who breaks your heart isn’t worth the dirt under your shoes. And their behavior isn’t your fault either. They’ve got their own problems to work through. Also, try not to hate them. It’s not worth it and honestly, it’s draining.
But guess what! All of this pain and change is leading up to something spectacular! You’re going to be so much happier.
You’re going to fall in love with someone who is bigger than the universe in your eyes. He’ll become your best friend, your lover, your medicine. You’ll feel so safe with him and never have to question him or his intentions. They’ll say to take things slow after you’ve gotten your heart broken so many times, but don’t listen to them. Dive right in. It’s ok. He’s one of the good ones. You’re going to trust him with your deepest secrets… ones only you know. He’ll be so far from anyone you’ve ever dated. He’s not your normal type at all. But that’s good. I mean, how well has your type worked out for you so far? Exactly. Don’t be afraid of what society says about time in relationships. Fall hard and fast. He’s there to catch you.
School will be interesting this year. You’ll go boy crazy fall semester and not pay as much attention to classes as you should. And you’ll hate yourself for it. Your grades won’t be the best, but they won’t be awful because at the last second you’ll get your shit together… like usual. Spring semester will get a little complicated though. You’ll ride most of the semester out and kick ass even though you’ll hate 50% of your classes. You’ll drop one class after a couple weeks because that professor is a shit stain (don’t even excuse my language) and you’ll be mad at yourself for giving up. Don’t be. It was the best decision you could have made under the circumstances. You’ll get back into the swing of school finally. You typically have one off-semester and then come back swinging for the second anyway. This semester won’t end like normal. You’ll leave for spring break and not come back. COVID-19 will show its ugly face and mess everything up. It’ll become a pandemic and nobody will know what is going on. A health concern that effects everyone will become a political issue for some reason, and you’ll want to hit a lot of people in the head with a 2×4 for it. Everyone will downplay its impact, but it’s going to kill a lot of people. You’ll expect it to go away in a couple weeks but it’ll stick around for much, much longer. You’ll finish your spring semester online, but that’ll be the best thing to happen to you because you’ll get more time to focus on your studies. You’ll end the semester with a 3.85 GPA. Yeah, it’s not a 4.0 and that’s because you kind of slacked off at the beginning of the semester, but that’s ok. You kicked ass. You might even make it into that honor society like you want so badly!
This year can only be as good as you make it. It’ll test your patience and sanity, but if you keep looking at the bright side, there’s nothing you can’t do.
Can you believe this is my third year writing my yearly recap? I can’t!
So for those who don’t know, at the end of every year I like to highlight some of my highs and lows of the year (see Paying Homage to 2017, Paying Homage to 2018). I started in 2017 as a casual post, not thinking I would keep up with it the following years. I always consider the third time to be what establishes something as a tradition, so here we are guys! It’s officially a Megann Louise tradition!
In last year’s recap, I said I was going to make 2019 my bitch. Well, we win some, we lose some, right? Whenever I look back on this year I get a bad taste in my mouth. I know a lot of great things happened, but I also experienced a lot of heartache. I’d consider this year to be one of great growth for me.
At the start of the year, I got to see Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with my sister and friend James. Their Youtube videos were what got me through a lot of hard stuff so it was wild that I was in the same room as them.
In May I finished my first year of college at CSU. I ended up making the Dean’s List, which I would not have expected at the beginning of the year. I finally decided on the right major for me in that time too- communication.
I moved out of my first apartment in May, too. It was the ending of an era, I suppose. That place became my home. I made so many wild memories in apartment 509. As sad as I was leaving, I felt a weird sense of relief too. I was leaving behind a piece of me, which was sort of sad, but I knew I was starting a new chapter.
In July, I surprised my sister with a party for her 18th birthday. It was pretty last minute, but all her friends pitched in and helped me make things work. I was so grateful for everybody’s help in making it such a success. Being able to do something like that for my sister was so special to me.
Then there was a bump in the road. I said goodbye to a nearly two year relationship. Things just don’t work out sometimes and it’s for the best. I still have a ridiculous amount of love and respect for my ex. He’s a great guy…. just not my soulmate. And that’s alright. It took me a while to move past the heartbreak, which is to be expected when you were with someone for a long time. He is genuinely one of my best friends and I’m so lucky to still have him to confide in whenever I need him. While some would expect me to be sad that the relationship ended, I’m glad that I’m still lucky enough to have a friend in him.
For a while after the break up, I was in a really dark place and couldn’t seem to find the way out. I didn’t feel half as confident as I once did. I suppose it’s normal (but in no way healthy) to dog on yourself after a break up… at least for a little while. After I was finally able to get myself out of bed, I was going out to get my mind off of everything. That’s where the fun came in.
First, we went to see Granger Smith. The story behind that one is a little random. We had gone to Walmart and there were two tour buses in the parking lot (which obviously isn’t a normal thing). Turns out Granger was at Walmart! We didn’t get to see him there, but we took it as a sign that we should buy two tickets to the show that was only hours away. I have to say that that was one of the best nights I’d had in a while. The rush we felt after buying the tickets was insane. We immediately ran to get ready and blasted Granger throughout the house.
The very next night, we were invited to tag along to a Foreigner concert. I didn’t know too many songs (I know, what’s wrong with me?!) but I still had such a good time. I think that’s one of the first nights where I was able to fully drop every bad thought at the door and enjoy myself.
In late August, I moved back to Cleveland with my little sister for school. We got a new place with two other roommates that’s a lot nicer than the one I lived in the year before. I started what is the second semester of my sophomore year. Rianna, my sister, began her first semester as a freshman! The semester came with a lot of adjusting for us both and somehow we made it through all of the headaches.
For the second year in a row, my dad, sister, and I went to the Cleveland Air Show. When I was little, my dad always talked about taking us. Then finally last year, we got to go. I’ll be honest- I didn’t think I’d enjoy it all that much. But it was so much fun, that I was jumping up and down over getting to go again this year. I’d love for this to become a tradition!
To reward ourselves for kicking butt the first few weeks of school, Rianna and I went to our first Cleveland Indian’s game! I’ve never been a die hard baseball fan, but the atmosphere was so fun and I really enjoyed myself. I was still trying to recover from a lot mentally so that night was a breath of fresh air for me. Fun fact- I also bought my first legal drink at the game!
School got progressively more challenging and I went into a downward spiral. I started doing things I swore to myself I would never do. I just lost control of who I was. That’s when I reintroduced myself to faith. I let myself stray from religion in the past few years and by coming back, I felt myself finding closure and motivation to overcome everything I was facing.
Then I did something out of my comfort zone. After having several deep talks with my friend Kaleb, I found motivation to share my story. I went live on Instagram. I came clean about everything I had been feeling because I hoped being transparent would not only help me, but help someone watching. I was open about things that most people would consider taboo. Laying it all out on the table really helped me see the bigger picture. I even got some super sweet messages from people who watched to livestreams. There was so much support and understanding. It was beautiful. I don’t imagine I’ll ever get over that.
Shortly after, I reconnected with a friend I made during my first semester of school at CSU. We got lunch and caught each other up on our lives. We both had some wild stories to tell and a lot of laughs to share. I was really excited to have this friend in my life because he was absolutely hysterical and genuinely a great guy to be around.
I’m so excited to be saying goodbye to this transformative decade. I’ve got a lot of goals for 2020. I want to make it a year of hard work and big steps. I refuse to end 2020 in the same place that I start it. It’s time to grow, baby!
Thank you to everyone who stuck around for another year as well as those who stumbled upon my site this year! You guys make each and every year so special. I hope you all have a magnificent new year and get all you want and need!